08-11-2018, 02:55 PM
I am laying here in bed on my second night off and now unable to sleep.
I have been having thoughts that life is hard. I have never actually admitted that to my self. Just being alive and living this human experience is hard work.
The contrast between how I would like my life to be (Or imagined it to be) and where I actually am, is making me feel/see the difference.
It's very strange because I can see how we have desires, wants, wishes, goals etc be it sexual, romantic, material, financial, spiritual etc and things are not that straight forward to fulfill that natural desire within. Like Society is full of B.S. for one and even though I know this for quite a while, these B.S thoughts are still there, I am aware of them, as if my brain has soked them up as a sponge all my life, without me being consciously aware of it and thinking they are just me, when really they are alien malware convincing me it is something genuine and beneficial and actually me.
I know this but I am now seeing how I am not actually me.
I have been having thoughts that life is hard. I have never actually admitted that to my self. Just being alive and living this human experience is hard work.
The contrast between how I would like my life to be (Or imagined it to be) and where I actually am, is making me feel/see the difference.
It's very strange because I can see how we have desires, wants, wishes, goals etc be it sexual, romantic, material, financial, spiritual etc and things are not that straight forward to fulfill that natural desire within. Like Society is full of B.S. for one and even though I know this for quite a while, these B.S thoughts are still there, I am aware of them, as if my brain has soked them up as a sponge all my life, without me being consciously aware of it and thinking they are just me, when really they are alien malware convincing me it is something genuine and beneficial and actually me.
I know this but I am now seeing how I am not actually me.
