Shannon's Journal Discussion Volume 3

[Shannon]

@Zane

I am wondering what kinda brain damage she’s suffering from?

37yo woman has some difficulty speaking, she can only say shorter sentences, that are other missing words. But she usually always says key words. For example about a week ago when I was seeing her at the local cafe (her carer is okay with cafe lunches with her), she said “Bed... Together” while pointing at me. Another time she was saying “My house... Me... You... Sleep”.

Recently, at one of our cafe lunches, she was saying “You... My house”, and I asked her what do you want to do together, and she replied “Upstairs... Cuddle” (her room is upstairs). It seems like she wants to sleep with me (she is fairly consistent with her message).

37yo woman also has below-average IQ, and is noticeably slower in her movements and often takes several seconds to answer simple questions (her answers are consistent though). She tends to ask me the same questions over and over, so her memory may not be too great. She’s asked me if I live with my parents several times now (I live by myself at the moment).

Also, I think the care taker is taking things to extreme.. No kissing..? WTF?

Agreed. It is quite extreme.

State legislation says that one of the many exceptions to consent includes ‘Mentally impairment’, meaning that if a person who is ‘mentally impaired’ consents to sex, then it is automatically rape.

Her carer said to me “she has trouble saying ‘no’” and that this point voids her consent. I think her carer is over-reacting, but the group home policies consider kissing as a romantic / sexual act, and according to the group home policies, romantic relationships and sexual relationships are treated the same (referred to as ‘personal relationship’). The group home errs on the side of over-protected, rather than under-protected.

Very recently, my state has new legislative requirements for group homes focused on preventing sexual harassment, abuse, assault and/or rape. State consent laws were made ‘tougher’ a few months ago.

“Only an enthusiastic ‘Yes’, means ‘Yes’.” is the current legislation. But all grey areas are treated as an automatic ‘no’ / non-consent (such as brain damage, intellectual disability, drunk, high, coercion, blackmail, and many others).

MeToo has lead to hysteria, paranoia and mass fear. At the local shops there are government sponsored billboards that show women crying, with short messages about sexual abuse / violence. One of the government sponsored ads said “9 in 10 women have been sexually harassed, but only 1 in 4 adults report it”.

All this is likely why the carer is so over-the-top / over-protective. It frustrates me greatly.

I am going to point out to you that if I was to make a bet that NOBODY else on this forum would even THINK of trying to get into a relationship with, or have sex with, a woman in that condition. Wouldn't even have to think about it for a split second.

What you describe is the lowest possible value for a woman to have for relationships and mating with a healthy male. I'm not saying she's not human, doesn't have feelings, isn't deserving of love and affection, being treated with consideration and respect, taken care of, etc. What I am saying is that nobody in their right mind would pursue such a female for sex or romance if they were not on or very close to her level of disability. EXCEPT someone who has NO self esteem or sense of personal value.

You need to drop this AYP program IMMEDIATELY and start working on self esteem, self respect, self validation and things like that. Focus on THAT for a year instead, because man, you are seriously in need of growing past that.

I recommend you start using DMSI-A RIGHT NOW. Of course I'm expecting that you'll just ignore my advice again and continue along your merry way - again. But if you do that, your situation will not change and you will only be wasting the time of anyone who responds to help you. Again.

AM6 is also a possibility for making progress, but DMSI-A is a better one in my opinion.

You are right now stuck in lala land and self defeating. You can either hide from your fears and have more of that, or you can make some changes that will actually result on progress. Your choice, but I'm not going to respond to your posts anymore after this unless I see you are indeed making changes and progress.

EDIT: I want you to understand that DMSI-A will require that you stay away from this woman, as she will not likely have the self control to prevent herself from acting on her reactions, even in public. Do AM6 if you are unwilling to stay away from her. Or E2, or SE 5.5G, but do SOMETHING to improve your self esteem, sense of self worth, self validation, etc. DMSI-A is going to be the best choice right now.