07-12-2018, 09:40 AM
I'm really liking this program. Did I already say that? It's *nice*.
I know I've said I'd describe what I've come up with, but there's so much progress still going on that I'd have to write pages upon pages. So, to keep things short:
1. I got tired of my own whining. I'd say the so-called "Inner Child" was simply acting like a narcissistic kid, as kids are wont to do - I was attempting to give it all I could in order to have it feel better, improve itself, give it care, healing, whatevs, and in return all I got back from myself was whining. It was like a child crying for attention in any way it could, but unable - or rather, afraid - to express what it actually *needs*.
2. So I decided to approach my own bullshit the same way I'd approach anyone else's bullsiht: I told myself: "Enough. I am proceeding with this whether you like this or not. It's your choice whether you go along or not. I'm not forcing you to do anything. But I'm not stopping either. You can go along whenever you choose to do so, we've got the tools to make it all right. You just need to choose to use them. Anything you need, I'm here. But no more bullshit".
[To reinforce this intent, I increased the number of loops by two (to 9). I got symptoms of resistance-overload/headache the second day, but I knew it was simply resistance. It has passed by now. I got past it through reinforcement of Will and Intent. I did this after step 4, IIRC - I can't really tell. The progress's been kinda rapid]
3. Afterwards, I decided it is time to, well, become my own father figure. Especially for the Inner Kid parts of myself. Now I am the guide, the advisor, the father - I'm assuming direct control.
4. Sometime later, I noticed that first I was guiding the resistant parts of myself in a fatherly kind of way (a "no-bullshit-yet-understanding" approach, like above), and then I've noticed that I'm also actively trying to *seduce* the resistant part to join in on the fun.
5. I promised myself that I will not judge, guilt or shame myself in any way.
6. Soon after, I got the info on what it was I was trying to hide from myself. No wonder I did not want to admit that, because it's very, erm, how shall I put it - FreudJungian. Or whatevs. Anyroad, the particulars are nobody's business.
7. Upon receiving that information, I have told myself: well, okay. I understand, I'm not judging, I get it. Anything you need - all the power of the tools at my disposal (DMSI being the foremost among them) - we can use it to get you what you need. Are you in?
8. Yup.
Also, yesterday I've come to the conclusion that it's time to, in philosophical terms (otherwise it'd be a loooooong story) harness the will-to-live (the basic survival instinct, as in Schopenhauer) and turn it into the will-to-power (the survival instinct-based drive towards, let's say, greatness, significance, whatevs - as doing so gives one, technically speaking, much greater chances of survival in the end - as in Nietzsche).
Today, I met with the girl I've mentioned who wanted to meet up with me for doing linguistic work for her (for which she has already paid potato). I've never met her in person, mind you - yet she did give me a bottle of expensive whiskey, with a 50 EUR (that's, I dunno, 80 bucks or so?) note attached to it, then she paid for my coffee and wanted to hang out. She was curious whether I have a girlfriend, as she was not sure from our Internet interactions. She was definitely responding to DMSI (legs crossed with hand in-between and shaking, checking my out every now and again when she thought I wouldn't see, giving me hugs, etc., and *blatantly* checking me out top-to-bottom as we were saying goodbye, and such) - even though I'd say she's a 7, I find her attractive and fun and smart, the convo was uber-smooth, and something tells me having sex with her would be a very pleasant experience. Also, as we were saying goodbye, she was honestly asking whether all the stuff she's given me, totally unbidden to do so, was enough for "everything I've done for her" (which is like, lol? I helped her edit some stuff she wrote in English, for monies).
Also, she's signed up to be my linguistic consultant for the fem-porn novel I'm working on. Told ya it'd make for a good pick-up line.
I'll hear from her soonish, I bet. She lives abroad, but visits my city every now and again.
Did I say already I like this program? I do.
Also, got to chatting today with this lovely 10 I know on messenger. She asked whether she could borrow my electric piano - the deal's off, as it's too bulky for her needs - a keyboard would suit her better - BUT, she did inquire what's up, I told her of the fem-porn novel (told ya it's a great pick up line), blah blah blah, she invited me to come see her tomorrow at some location she'll be at (not her home) because she really wants to lend me this book she's been reading. I've known this girl for quite some time - we've always been friendly (she's a close friend of my ex's - or at least my ex would really want her to be a very close friend of hers. The ex has always been definitely romantically and sexually attracted to this woman), and would chat in a "what's up" kind of way through the Internets every now and again, but she's never before, out of the blue, set up a meeting like this, totally off-hand. While also providing me with her phone number unbidden.
I really like this program.
Besides, I'm now 99% certain that deisgnee "sweet little aristocrat" is a manifestation, and heck of a one at that (given the circumstances of how she's suddenly appeared). I am now certain that I can afford to be patient (to which she kinda, um, dared me. Pretty much in a "I always get what I want, and I am a very patient woman" way, to which my response pretty much amounted to, "well, let's how patient you *really* are", lol), and all's good as long as I keep executing the script. The mutual attraction is *fierce*, pretty much palpable, and can definitely be perceived by others (especially women) when we're in each other's presence. So, yeah. Good goin'.
The emotional turmoil I experienced upon meeting her, and deciding to give in to her seduction, was based in the fact of previous experiences with this particular type of woman (I'm not saying they're identical, mind you - just saying there's obvious similarities, and my subC instantly made the connection) which ended... badly. For both sides. Mostly because we were both young (I think, 19?), foolish, scared, and also shy-and-awkward in a boy-meets-girl-and-WTFISGOINON type of deal, and both had issues which would require resolution in order for the whole thing to *work*. This needed to get dealt with yet again, properly this time. One thing for sure - I have definitely not made the same mistakes this time around.
Woo, long post! Kudos to anyone who's read it in its entirety.
I know I've said I'd describe what I've come up with, but there's so much progress still going on that I'd have to write pages upon pages. So, to keep things short:
1. I got tired of my own whining. I'd say the so-called "Inner Child" was simply acting like a narcissistic kid, as kids are wont to do - I was attempting to give it all I could in order to have it feel better, improve itself, give it care, healing, whatevs, and in return all I got back from myself was whining. It was like a child crying for attention in any way it could, but unable - or rather, afraid - to express what it actually *needs*.
2. So I decided to approach my own bullshit the same way I'd approach anyone else's bullsiht: I told myself: "Enough. I am proceeding with this whether you like this or not. It's your choice whether you go along or not. I'm not forcing you to do anything. But I'm not stopping either. You can go along whenever you choose to do so, we've got the tools to make it all right. You just need to choose to use them. Anything you need, I'm here. But no more bullshit".
[To reinforce this intent, I increased the number of loops by two (to 9). I got symptoms of resistance-overload/headache the second day, but I knew it was simply resistance. It has passed by now. I got past it through reinforcement of Will and Intent. I did this after step 4, IIRC - I can't really tell. The progress's been kinda rapid]
3. Afterwards, I decided it is time to, well, become my own father figure. Especially for the Inner Kid parts of myself. Now I am the guide, the advisor, the father - I'm assuming direct control.
4. Sometime later, I noticed that first I was guiding the resistant parts of myself in a fatherly kind of way (a "no-bullshit-yet-understanding" approach, like above), and then I've noticed that I'm also actively trying to *seduce* the resistant part to join in on the fun.
5. I promised myself that I will not judge, guilt or shame myself in any way.
6. Soon after, I got the info on what it was I was trying to hide from myself. No wonder I did not want to admit that, because it's very, erm, how shall I put it - FreudJungian. Or whatevs. Anyroad, the particulars are nobody's business.
7. Upon receiving that information, I have told myself: well, okay. I understand, I'm not judging, I get it. Anything you need - all the power of the tools at my disposal (DMSI being the foremost among them) - we can use it to get you what you need. Are you in?
8. Yup.
Also, yesterday I've come to the conclusion that it's time to, in philosophical terms (otherwise it'd be a loooooong story) harness the will-to-live (the basic survival instinct, as in Schopenhauer) and turn it into the will-to-power (the survival instinct-based drive towards, let's say, greatness, significance, whatevs - as doing so gives one, technically speaking, much greater chances of survival in the end - as in Nietzsche).
Today, I met with the girl I've mentioned who wanted to meet up with me for doing linguistic work for her (for which she has already paid potato). I've never met her in person, mind you - yet she did give me a bottle of expensive whiskey, with a 50 EUR (that's, I dunno, 80 bucks or so?) note attached to it, then she paid for my coffee and wanted to hang out. She was curious whether I have a girlfriend, as she was not sure from our Internet interactions. She was definitely responding to DMSI (legs crossed with hand in-between and shaking, checking my out every now and again when she thought I wouldn't see, giving me hugs, etc., and *blatantly* checking me out top-to-bottom as we were saying goodbye, and such) - even though I'd say she's a 7, I find her attractive and fun and smart, the convo was uber-smooth, and something tells me having sex with her would be a very pleasant experience. Also, as we were saying goodbye, she was honestly asking whether all the stuff she's given me, totally unbidden to do so, was enough for "everything I've done for her" (which is like, lol? I helped her edit some stuff she wrote in English, for monies).
Also, she's signed up to be my linguistic consultant for the fem-porn novel I'm working on. Told ya it'd make for a good pick-up line.
I'll hear from her soonish, I bet. She lives abroad, but visits my city every now and again.
Did I say already I like this program? I do.
Also, got to chatting today with this lovely 10 I know on messenger. She asked whether she could borrow my electric piano - the deal's off, as it's too bulky for her needs - a keyboard would suit her better - BUT, she did inquire what's up, I told her of the fem-porn novel (told ya it's a great pick up line), blah blah blah, she invited me to come see her tomorrow at some location she'll be at (not her home) because she really wants to lend me this book she's been reading. I've known this girl for quite some time - we've always been friendly (she's a close friend of my ex's - or at least my ex would really want her to be a very close friend of hers. The ex has always been definitely romantically and sexually attracted to this woman), and would chat in a "what's up" kind of way through the Internets every now and again, but she's never before, out of the blue, set up a meeting like this, totally off-hand. While also providing me with her phone number unbidden.
I really like this program.
Besides, I'm now 99% certain that deisgnee "sweet little aristocrat" is a manifestation, and heck of a one at that (given the circumstances of how she's suddenly appeared). I am now certain that I can afford to be patient (to which she kinda, um, dared me. Pretty much in a "I always get what I want, and I am a very patient woman" way, to which my response pretty much amounted to, "well, let's how patient you *really* are", lol), and all's good as long as I keep executing the script. The mutual attraction is *fierce*, pretty much palpable, and can definitely be perceived by others (especially women) when we're in each other's presence. So, yeah. Good goin'.
The emotional turmoil I experienced upon meeting her, and deciding to give in to her seduction, was based in the fact of previous experiences with this particular type of woman (I'm not saying they're identical, mind you - just saying there's obvious similarities, and my subC instantly made the connection) which ended... badly. For both sides. Mostly because we were both young (I think, 19?), foolish, scared, and also shy-and-awkward in a boy-meets-girl-and-WTFISGOINON type of deal, and both had issues which would require resolution in order for the whole thing to *work*. This needed to get dealt with yet again, properly this time. One thing for sure - I have definitely not made the same mistakes this time around.
Woo, long post! Kudos to anyone who's read it in its entirety.
"A man who is doing his True Will has the inertia of the Universe to assist him." - A. Crowley
