07-08-2018, 06:10 AM
After taking a short break I realised I’ve been throwing sand in the wheels of this program. Near the beginning I was getting in shape, losing a lot of weight with intermittent fasting, cutting out inflammation causing things from my diet, particularly grains and dairy. I was feeling on top of the world - These things have always made me feel dull and listless, but much as I’ve tried to cut them out I go back to them (because it’s just too easy to rationalise why a bit of bread won’t hurt, and then. I just go back to sufferin.
This time when I fell back into having bread and dairy, I felt no significant impact on energy and focus and mood so I kept on. What’s interesting though is I didn’t bother too much about the incredible boosts in cognition I’d gained which were now deteriorating. I kept on eating bread and stopped doing exercise and basically just got happy with average. Something I uncovered during a break is that I was also very scared of things getting out of control - if I’m a super genius I might just become focussed on work and lose any friends, I may just leave all my family and people around me in the dust, I will draw criticism , I’ll be over confident and do something stupid , who am I to be speaking so confidently and producing ideas which are potentially going to change things anyway??
I don’t know exactly what to do about this narrative but expose it. Part of it is true - super intelligence is only one aspect f life, being able to lead and connect with people requires human intelligence and empathy, creating solutions for the worlds problems requires an access to egolessness so you don’t do things which fuck it up more, and intelligence/ ability to learn with laziness (which I have in spades) basically means you’ll look for ways to content yourself with the minimum.
On the other hand I’m invited through this program to learn how to overcome laziness, to invest strategically in practices which develop that sense of purpose and states beyond the small ego and to continue to play the long game. As far as controlling an out of control intellect, well what’s coming up is acceptance that I may get it wrong but it may well just be better to hang my balls out there and be ready to attract the inevitable criticism that comes with it rather than just continue to hide.
Anyway back on the health vibe, a 40 day yogic sadhana is under way so let’s see about cultivating this grounded ness beyond immediate success.
On practical measures; on MBTI ive gone from ENFP to ENTJ/P - my judgment faculty has improved a lot and it’s helped me to detach from unhealthy relationships and reduced neediness from people as well as given me a better ability to defend my self esteem against unhelpful influences (including negative self talk)
This time when I fell back into having bread and dairy, I felt no significant impact on energy and focus and mood so I kept on. What’s interesting though is I didn’t bother too much about the incredible boosts in cognition I’d gained which were now deteriorating. I kept on eating bread and stopped doing exercise and basically just got happy with average. Something I uncovered during a break is that I was also very scared of things getting out of control - if I’m a super genius I might just become focussed on work and lose any friends, I may just leave all my family and people around me in the dust, I will draw criticism , I’ll be over confident and do something stupid , who am I to be speaking so confidently and producing ideas which are potentially going to change things anyway??
I don’t know exactly what to do about this narrative but expose it. Part of it is true - super intelligence is only one aspect f life, being able to lead and connect with people requires human intelligence and empathy, creating solutions for the worlds problems requires an access to egolessness so you don’t do things which fuck it up more, and intelligence/ ability to learn with laziness (which I have in spades) basically means you’ll look for ways to content yourself with the minimum.
On the other hand I’m invited through this program to learn how to overcome laziness, to invest strategically in practices which develop that sense of purpose and states beyond the small ego and to continue to play the long game. As far as controlling an out of control intellect, well what’s coming up is acceptance that I may get it wrong but it may well just be better to hang my balls out there and be ready to attract the inevitable criticism that comes with it rather than just continue to hide.
Anyway back on the health vibe, a 40 day yogic sadhana is under way so let’s see about cultivating this grounded ness beyond immediate success.
On practical measures; on MBTI ive gone from ENFP to ENTJ/P - my judgment faculty has improved a lot and it’s helped me to detach from unhealthy relationships and reduced neediness from people as well as given me a better ability to defend my self esteem against unhelpful influences (including negative self talk)
Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
