06-10-2018, 01:44 AM
I have to be honest, I do like how the healing and clearing in version A, allows me to notice my "stuff" that needs to be healed/cleared, but not in a painful way, kinda like in a detached way.
I have this thing about being in a committed relationship, something that has come up, memories that pop up to me and remember where certain girlfriends (Not all of them) showed me they where attracted to other guys. It makes me think...why even bother getting into a committed relationship if your girlfriend can find other guys attractive?
What makes this more complicated is that there is a part of me that can see an attractive women, even if I am in a committed relationship and think sexual thoughts about other women. I really dislike this part of me, because I think to myself...I wouldn't like my girlfriend having these thoughts about other guys...but if I am, then she is. If this is the way it is, then why does it have to be like this? Why even get into a committed relationship to begin with? Especially as I want to treat people, as I wish to me treated.
I think why this effects me is because I have had girlfriends in the past, when I was young, that have done things deliberately to hurt me and I know how it feels. For example, I remember one girlfriend about 12 years ago, lustily flirting with my brother in front of me. What makes it worse is I found out that a few years after we was not together no more, my brother met up with her. He don't know I know that, but even though I am a much better man then back then in all the right ways, I still feel funny about girlfriends finding other people attractive, more so people i don't like, or I don't respect.
I am secure enough to acknowledged attractive actors with a girlfriend etc, but only if I respect the actors and hold them in high regard. If I don't like them or I think they are overrated or douchey and a girlfriend likes them, then I actually lose respect for my girlfriend, for real.
As I said, I am not crazy emotional about this, I can see this stuff with a detached viewpoint, I get a nudge in my emotions if I specifically focus on certain points.
Hopefully, in time A will help disentangle all this.
I have this thing about being in a committed relationship, something that has come up, memories that pop up to me and remember where certain girlfriends (Not all of them) showed me they where attracted to other guys. It makes me think...why even bother getting into a committed relationship if your girlfriend can find other guys attractive?
What makes this more complicated is that there is a part of me that can see an attractive women, even if I am in a committed relationship and think sexual thoughts about other women. I really dislike this part of me, because I think to myself...I wouldn't like my girlfriend having these thoughts about other guys...but if I am, then she is. If this is the way it is, then why does it have to be like this? Why even get into a committed relationship to begin with? Especially as I want to treat people, as I wish to me treated.
I think why this effects me is because I have had girlfriends in the past, when I was young, that have done things deliberately to hurt me and I know how it feels. For example, I remember one girlfriend about 12 years ago, lustily flirting with my brother in front of me. What makes it worse is I found out that a few years after we was not together no more, my brother met up with her. He don't know I know that, but even though I am a much better man then back then in all the right ways, I still feel funny about girlfriends finding other people attractive, more so people i don't like, or I don't respect.
I am secure enough to acknowledged attractive actors with a girlfriend etc, but only if I respect the actors and hold them in high regard. If I don't like them or I think they are overrated or douchey and a girlfriend likes them, then I actually lose respect for my girlfriend, for real.
As I said, I am not crazy emotional about this, I can see this stuff with a detached viewpoint, I get a nudge in my emotions if I specifically focus on certain points.
Hopefully, in time A will help disentangle all this.
