Feeling a little bit down today. Reflecting on times I've been walked on or disrespected. A lot of it is stuff that happened years ago but yet I still think about it from time to time and end up feeling slightly bitter and/or resentful about what happened. Most of it was stuff with some of my fraternity brothers, but it was my fault for allowing it to happen.
In the moment they acted appreciative when I did what they asked (gave rides, bought drinks etc.) , but they knew. They knew I (then) thrived off of approval from other people and that's what they counted on to get what they wanted.
But I also realize that I need to let this go at some point, because I know that as much as I think about these things, they don't. Most of these guys have gotten on with their lives and gotten married, some of them even have kids already. I'm only hurting myself, because after all:
"Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."
I know I need to grow up and move on, and simply choose new and better friends along the way.
I know that the programming will help with these issues, I hope to be able to adopt a more mature perspective about these things and be able to forgive. And to forgive myself for allowing it to happen.
In the moment they acted appreciative when I did what they asked (gave rides, bought drinks etc.) , but they knew. They knew I (then) thrived off of approval from other people and that's what they counted on to get what they wanted.
But I also realize that I need to let this go at some point, because I know that as much as I think about these things, they don't. Most of these guys have gotten on with their lives and gotten married, some of them even have kids already. I'm only hurting myself, because after all:
"Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."
I know I need to grow up and move on, and simply choose new and better friends along the way.
I know that the programming will help with these issues, I hope to be able to adopt a more mature perspective about these things and be able to forgive. And to forgive myself for allowing it to happen.
“When you change yourself...you change the world”
-Silvera, Gojira
-Silvera, Gojira
