04-06-2018, 02:19 PM
So, I didn't work today since I needed some medical info from my doctor, and I had a test taken. I noticed I'm wishing to put myself around women I find attractive. I did so a few times today. At the doctor's office, at the gas station, even at the library, which I've been wanting to do for months now. I stepped out of my fears.
I'm not sure what's going on, but staying in my same s*** isn't attractive to me at all. I plan on going to an ACA meeting tonight, which I've not been to for 3-5 (?) months.
I also contacted a member here who's been on the board a number of years asking him about AM. I'd looked into AM a month or 2 back, and pulled back on it. I shared that something I imagined about AM scared the s*** out of me. I'll not rehash that thinking here, but I'd read some old posts of Shannon's about the alpha male, and him sharing about doing the right thing hit me in gut. I've regressed to helpless little boy mode many times, and I'm feeling quite disturbed hiding in that "role".
That's partly why I'm going to a meeting tonight. When I think on it, I can worry about this/that/whatever. Just going and refusing to lie are my goals. I'll see what happens.
I get pissed thinking lying is the only thing I can do. Let's see what happens. I have choices now.
I'm not sure what's going on, but staying in my same s*** isn't attractive to me at all. I plan on going to an ACA meeting tonight, which I've not been to for 3-5 (?) months.
I also contacted a member here who's been on the board a number of years asking him about AM. I'd looked into AM a month or 2 back, and pulled back on it. I shared that something I imagined about AM scared the s*** out of me. I'll not rehash that thinking here, but I'd read some old posts of Shannon's about the alpha male, and him sharing about doing the right thing hit me in gut. I've regressed to helpless little boy mode many times, and I'm feeling quite disturbed hiding in that "role".
That's partly why I'm going to a meeting tonight. When I think on it, I can worry about this/that/whatever. Just going and refusing to lie are my goals. I'll see what happens.
I get pissed thinking lying is the only thing I can do. Let's see what happens. I have choices now.
I want to be FREE!
