I have been running UD again, 3 nights so far. Clearing is taking place.
I had been on SE for almost a month. I realized only 2 days ago.......I overloaded myself. I had been running SE way more than six loops. For 2 weeks, no problems came up. However, when clearing began, it hit HARD. I pulled off it, resumed E2 immediately after, but upon reading about E2's speed vs. subs after it, I chose to go back on UD. I ran E2 maybe 4 nights.
And I'm feeling old stuff surfacing on UD. I''m all feelings now, missing a dad and my brother. I had turned on a PianoGuys YT playlist this morning (not my norm), and one song got me crying. It's their cover of "This is my fight song", and the song is played in Scotland. A bagpipe crew comes in halfway, and it had me balling. I felt connected to that "we are in your corner" feel, and I really, really wanted that.
F*** it. I'll share this. I wrestled with these wants surfacing in the last 24 hours. It is/was me needing to feel loved by another guy, and the only love I ever experienced when younger was with my brother. I "wrestled" since I work with all guys. But this isn't a homosexual love one may be thinking.
I realized it's me needing a father's love. My father I never met, spoke, or even heard from until I was 17. After graduating high school, I drove across the state, met him again (my 2nd time), and ended up staying there for the summer. I moved in, wanting him to fill the void, but he was quite selfish. I distanced myself emotionally, and he passed away 3 years later. However, I was there when he took his last breath.
I felt these same desires for love in the early 90's since I had a friendship with a guy whose life I desired: living with both parents, making good money, and feeling a lot more secure than I felt. I secretly wanted this guy to.......father me, be my guide......and I wondered if I were gay. Nothing sexual I thought of, but being without information I wondered "Who else thinks like this?"
I contacted an organization, and I found out many gay people are seeking their same sex parent's love from a peer, as many have had traumatic relationships with that parent. This greatly relieved me since I had a big void, and great shame admitting it. I've been on and off looking at this wound since that time (mostly off), but it's come up a lot more since starting Shannon's subliminals.
I just wanted a father's love.
Regarding physical detox: nothing major. I had some sniffles this morning, and I realized the sub was doing this.
But my primary reason for running it again is to clear out my emotional lies to myself. I've been slightly aware I've wanted to drift to my old norm, my world of lying to myself. This is me hating myself, and I am using something which I've experienced major awarenesses with: UD. It is a subtle, powerful, life changing program. I'll do one day at a time though. Only six loops too.
I had been on SE for almost a month. I realized only 2 days ago.......I overloaded myself. I had been running SE way more than six loops. For 2 weeks, no problems came up. However, when clearing began, it hit HARD. I pulled off it, resumed E2 immediately after, but upon reading about E2's speed vs. subs after it, I chose to go back on UD. I ran E2 maybe 4 nights.
And I'm feeling old stuff surfacing on UD. I''m all feelings now, missing a dad and my brother. I had turned on a PianoGuys YT playlist this morning (not my norm), and one song got me crying. It's their cover of "This is my fight song", and the song is played in Scotland. A bagpipe crew comes in halfway, and it had me balling. I felt connected to that "we are in your corner" feel, and I really, really wanted that.
F*** it. I'll share this. I wrestled with these wants surfacing in the last 24 hours. It is/was me needing to feel loved by another guy, and the only love I ever experienced when younger was with my brother. I "wrestled" since I work with all guys. But this isn't a homosexual love one may be thinking.
I realized it's me needing a father's love. My father I never met, spoke, or even heard from until I was 17. After graduating high school, I drove across the state, met him again (my 2nd time), and ended up staying there for the summer. I moved in, wanting him to fill the void, but he was quite selfish. I distanced myself emotionally, and he passed away 3 years later. However, I was there when he took his last breath.
I felt these same desires for love in the early 90's since I had a friendship with a guy whose life I desired: living with both parents, making good money, and feeling a lot more secure than I felt. I secretly wanted this guy to.......father me, be my guide......and I wondered if I were gay. Nothing sexual I thought of, but being without information I wondered "Who else thinks like this?"
I contacted an organization, and I found out many gay people are seeking their same sex parent's love from a peer, as many have had traumatic relationships with that parent. This greatly relieved me since I had a big void, and great shame admitting it. I've been on and off looking at this wound since that time (mostly off), but it's come up a lot more since starting Shannon's subliminals.
I just wanted a father's love.
Regarding physical detox: nothing major. I had some sniffles this morning, and I realized the sub was doing this.
But my primary reason for running it again is to clear out my emotional lies to myself. I've been slightly aware I've wanted to drift to my old norm, my world of lying to myself. This is me hating myself, and I am using something which I've experienced major awarenesses with: UD. It is a subtle, powerful, life changing program. I'll do one day at a time though. Only six loops too.
I want to be FREE!
