02-11-2018, 02:51 AM
SE, Day 50
I still like SE. For a moment there it got to feeling like I had gotten all I could from - like nothing was happening anymore. Then I got sick (bad flu), and I was mostly feeling somehow too pressured and down, so I took 2 or 3 nights off. Coming back SE felt better again. Now its... idk, its always subtle, but it always feels like there's probably something good going on, behind the scenes.
I think SE is a program that kinda supports me being me, and not caring to much about what I "shouldn't" be doing (because it's not my place) it something like that. It can also have a slight isolating effect because I'm an intro type, so if I don't feel the need to keep pushing myself to me more social (which I think I feel I should be, just to be a higher-quality person or something), then I can just ignore that a lot and keep doing stuff on my own. But on the other hand, socializing is also getting easier because I'm not trying to be louder or dominant than I happen to be atm, so it's easier to talk "person to person".
Sex drive had been really low, and I just haven't been really interested. Except now really lately, now its been going up for a couple of days. Yes, could be TID, but could also just be me recovering from the sickness, gf cycle, placebo about the possibility of, expectation of 3.2, etc.
Looking forward to DMSI again - a little more excitement in the social area. But I would definitely not be going wrong with just continuing with SE. It feels good to question myself less on what kind of activities I "should" do more, and what I "should" be interested in more. I notice I tend to read and try out some more nerdy stuff, and even game a little without feeling bad for it after. Also I like exercising now a lot because it's more like I'm just doing something interesting again, and not making myself sexier or smt more ego-based and trying to reach for that validation.
I still like SE. For a moment there it got to feeling like I had gotten all I could from - like nothing was happening anymore. Then I got sick (bad flu), and I was mostly feeling somehow too pressured and down, so I took 2 or 3 nights off. Coming back SE felt better again. Now its... idk, its always subtle, but it always feels like there's probably something good going on, behind the scenes.
I think SE is a program that kinda supports me being me, and not caring to much about what I "shouldn't" be doing (because it's not my place) it something like that. It can also have a slight isolating effect because I'm an intro type, so if I don't feel the need to keep pushing myself to me more social (which I think I feel I should be, just to be a higher-quality person or something), then I can just ignore that a lot and keep doing stuff on my own. But on the other hand, socializing is also getting easier because I'm not trying to be louder or dominant than I happen to be atm, so it's easier to talk "person to person".
Sex drive had been really low, and I just haven't been really interested. Except now really lately, now its been going up for a couple of days. Yes, could be TID, but could also just be me recovering from the sickness, gf cycle, placebo about the possibility of, expectation of 3.2, etc.
Looking forward to DMSI again - a little more excitement in the social area. But I would definitely not be going wrong with just continuing with SE. It feels good to question myself less on what kind of activities I "should" do more, and what I "should" be interested in more. I notice I tend to read and try out some more nerdy stuff, and even game a little without feeling bad for it after. Also I like exercising now a lot because it's more like I'm just doing something interesting again, and not making myself sexier or smt more ego-based and trying to reach for that validation.
Thoughts, opinions and beliefs subject to change without prior notice.
