still not running DMSI in anticipation of 3.2. Im pretty sure yesterday I felt the sub running, yet it didnt play on my pc. Im noticing how tired I am, yet in a sense I am sorta hopefull that I am getting better when out of this. Its apathy and depression right now, like, total directionless deathground. Motivation seems also low. The girl that replaces `G`at the gym was very engaging, its like a set pattern now with women. like, penetrating and fucking their mind. it consistency.
Right now, im very tired, I only want to sleep and am hella down. im also indulging into junkfood, so I seem to run from it, like ravenous indulging into sweets and stuff. its pretty much an escape mechanism. On the other hand, women are just attracted to me like crazy more and more and am already anticipating new messages of women who cannot witheld themselves.
Thinking back what "A"told, like some sort of shittest, which is shattered pretty much easily, is the "Oh you dated "S", now I cant date you, girly things ( some sort of bs girlcode bs )" lol, your fucking loss, I aint chasing you lmao. You're missing out babygirl
Its true tho, I aint chasing, cuz my abundance is to gawddamn big.
Having no direction, being mentally dead ( dead on the inside, dead on the outside lol * insert crwln soundtrack right here ) is one of those horrible things I simply cannot stand. Its as if the blooming says "sit your ass down boy, things are to be handled right now"
but yeah, wasting time, while nowing there is shit to do, life to be created in one way or another, value to be shared, given and brought in, does my head in and pisses me off.
Yesterday evening I also broke almost down tears, like some post MDMA dip kind of thing, in which everything was just sort of causing me to shed tears. It made me also recognize some part of me is hurt still, like pretty hurt, which also causes me to break down now almost in tears, while another part of me is just stonecold hitman. overal very much sensitiveness for a lack of better description, more of an :"seeing people cry, now ima cry aswell"kinda dynamic.
The other part of me is just cocky cold and fucking around. Pretty much being non caring, non chalant and mocking it out of self-amusement.
The blooming does stir up some emotional floods now, like a whole well to deal with still at this point.
Im now sort of coming to terms aand threesomes are all there is lol.
Right now, im very tired, I only want to sleep and am hella down. im also indulging into junkfood, so I seem to run from it, like ravenous indulging into sweets and stuff. its pretty much an escape mechanism. On the other hand, women are just attracted to me like crazy more and more and am already anticipating new messages of women who cannot witheld themselves.
Thinking back what "A"told, like some sort of shittest, which is shattered pretty much easily, is the "Oh you dated "S", now I cant date you, girly things ( some sort of bs girlcode bs )" lol, your fucking loss, I aint chasing you lmao. You're missing out babygirl
Its true tho, I aint chasing, cuz my abundance is to gawddamn big. Having no direction, being mentally dead ( dead on the inside, dead on the outside lol * insert crwln soundtrack right here ) is one of those horrible things I simply cannot stand. Its as if the blooming says "sit your ass down boy, things are to be handled right now"
but yeah, wasting time, while nowing there is shit to do, life to be created in one way or another, value to be shared, given and brought in, does my head in and pisses me off.
Yesterday evening I also broke almost down tears, like some post MDMA dip kind of thing, in which everything was just sort of causing me to shed tears. It made me also recognize some part of me is hurt still, like pretty hurt, which also causes me to break down now almost in tears, while another part of me is just stonecold hitman. overal very much sensitiveness for a lack of better description, more of an :"seeing people cry, now ima cry aswell"kinda dynamic.
The other part of me is just cocky cold and fucking around. Pretty much being non caring, non chalant and mocking it out of self-amusement.
The blooming does stir up some emotional floods now, like a whole well to deal with still at this point.
Im now sort of coming to terms aand threesomes are all there is lol.
