12-24-2017, 12:49 AM
Have at ye - agreed on all but the last sentence which is imprecise-enough to be misleading in my case.
Cause you gotta factor in that I despise approval-seeking behavior, especially in myself, so going around constantly asking for that reinforcement would absolutely kill my self-esteem. What I do instead is I feel I'm constantly needing that approval from myself. I think how that works is I mostly reject approval from outside (or assume its not given), and then to compensate for that I have some sort of levels of values that I set for myself, so that if I live up to them I could feel good enough without other's approval. So I guess I assume "real" approval (approval that is not given with a purpose to get something back) won't be given, so I've deduced that if I'm somehow "better" (e.g. more skillful) than the ones not approving me, then I don't need to give a fuck what they think.
With dating, that manifested in me (seemingly) not really caring much about how individuals perceived me, but aspiring to build that skill or appeal or mojo that'd get the approval from myself. But its very much based on comparison - I'm just comparing myself to an unreachable image of what I "should" be.
So with others, I'm not easily motivated by gaining approval, but I am annoyingly-easily manipulated to avoid disapproval or guilt. Which, coincidentally, was my mom's MO when I was growing up.
Anyway, SE could be good! Not expecting it to be that fast-acting, though.
Cause you gotta factor in that I despise approval-seeking behavior, especially in myself, so going around constantly asking for that reinforcement would absolutely kill my self-esteem. What I do instead is I feel I'm constantly needing that approval from myself. I think how that works is I mostly reject approval from outside (or assume its not given), and then to compensate for that I have some sort of levels of values that I set for myself, so that if I live up to them I could feel good enough without other's approval. So I guess I assume "real" approval (approval that is not given with a purpose to get something back) won't be given, so I've deduced that if I'm somehow "better" (e.g. more skillful) than the ones not approving me, then I don't need to give a fuck what they think.
With dating, that manifested in me (seemingly) not really caring much about how individuals perceived me, but aspiring to build that skill or appeal or mojo that'd get the approval from myself. But its very much based on comparison - I'm just comparing myself to an unreachable image of what I "should" be.
So with others, I'm not easily motivated by gaining approval, but I am annoyingly-easily manipulated to avoid disapproval or guilt. Which, coincidentally, was my mom's MO when I was growing up.
Anyway, SE could be good! Not expecting it to be that fast-acting, though.
Thoughts, opinions and beliefs subject to change without prior notice.
