11-17-2017, 03:31 AM
OF Day 27
Easily irritated and confrontational. Time does not fly when on this sub. I keep checking how many days in I am, at least once every day. But, definitely want to keep going.
Worried about the gf, since it seems she's being affected and not coping very well. It'd seem highly unlikely that she would be, but then again not sure if I believe it can be a coincidence (placebo on my part) either, AND I really want to keep going myself, so I'm feeling conflicted.
Feeling pushed when every night everything is going wrong, then feeling work stress clearly etc. Constant drain. For example, last night I dreamt that I was banging some hooker who later told me I was a horrible person for doing something to her, and pretty sure I got into other arguments over it in the dream as well. Lots of work-related dreams of stuff going somehow wrong in multiple ways at the same time.
Feeling fear makes me want to embrace it or attack it. Also makes me feel very clear headed. Its like a beacon if I feel someone's being an ass to me and I detect that tinge of fear of confrontation, I get the juices flowing and in my mind I go "ok, let's fight then." and turn into it. I probably have some stuff going on - maybe its that bunch of past experiences that make me subconsciously think everyone's going to attack me, or threaten to attack me that causes a lot of my social anxiety and uncertainty in any case, and I want to confront them on it. I know its usually not a real challenge though. Journey it is, I suppose.
Easily irritated and confrontational. Time does not fly when on this sub. I keep checking how many days in I am, at least once every day. But, definitely want to keep going.
Worried about the gf, since it seems she's being affected and not coping very well. It'd seem highly unlikely that she would be, but then again not sure if I believe it can be a coincidence (placebo on my part) either, AND I really want to keep going myself, so I'm feeling conflicted.
Feeling pushed when every night everything is going wrong, then feeling work stress clearly etc. Constant drain. For example, last night I dreamt that I was banging some hooker who later told me I was a horrible person for doing something to her, and pretty sure I got into other arguments over it in the dream as well. Lots of work-related dreams of stuff going somehow wrong in multiple ways at the same time.
Feeling fear makes me want to embrace it or attack it. Also makes me feel very clear headed. Its like a beacon if I feel someone's being an ass to me and I detect that tinge of fear of confrontation, I get the juices flowing and in my mind I go "ok, let's fight then." and turn into it. I probably have some stuff going on - maybe its that bunch of past experiences that make me subconsciously think everyone's going to attack me, or threaten to attack me that causes a lot of my social anxiety and uncertainty in any case, and I want to confront them on it. I know its usually not a real challenge though. Journey it is, I suppose.
Thoughts, opinions and beliefs subject to change without prior notice.
