10-26-2017, 07:43 PM
So, I'm really loving a lot of that book "Models", don't get me wrong, but then there's parts like this:
"Like I mentioned earlier, the most common strategy by men who are inexperienced with women is "to be liked by all, hated by none"
[...]
The men who employ this strategy employ it because they're trying to avoid confrontation or controversy. Many of these men have been avoiding confrontation or controversy their entire lives."
I have a few issues with this statement.
First (as many of you can attest), I don't avoid controversy, but I do rather stir shit up for sometimes pointless reasons. To me, this is just as bad (if not worse) as trying to be a nice guy. It's a "wannabe asshole" and it just hurts people for NO good reason.
Second, I don't actually want to hurt anyone. It IS my desire to have everyone like me, not by fitting into their molds for me, but rather that I simply don't step on their toes.
The way I see it, I've gone most of my life this "wannabe asshole" and I see it as destructive and unhealthy. People shouldn't have to suffer just so I can "be myself".
I still have a long way to go, and it's confusing where the lines are, but I do know this: being "off-putting" just so I can say "well that's me, take it or leave it" seems VERY insecure and unhealthy. I don't advocate it at all.
So that's a very real struggle I'm having with this book.
I'm also making a real effort to curb my "asshole" behavior. Not because I think I need approval, but because I don't want to hurt anyone carelessly. "Just being myself" doesn't justify being crude, rude, or careless.
I've mentioned this before to Ben (and this is more "proof" that I don't avoid confrontation or controversy) but when talking with, say, my hairdresser, I'm getting more aware of things she's sensitive to. Like her age, or her grandkids.
Mentioning how she's getting old (either directly or indirectly) is just rude, and has no place in constructive conversation. Sure, I'm "just being myself" but I'm being myself at my shittiest.
Something that struck me as true a while ago was the idea of "being your BEST self" (forget where I read it). But that's more what I'm after. So while I know this Manson guy is right and his heart is in the right place, he doesn't seem to be addressing the "over compensating guys" as much as he is the"nice guys"
So, that's what I'm dealing with these days.
"Like I mentioned earlier, the most common strategy by men who are inexperienced with women is "to be liked by all, hated by none"
[...]
The men who employ this strategy employ it because they're trying to avoid confrontation or controversy. Many of these men have been avoiding confrontation or controversy their entire lives."
I have a few issues with this statement.
First (as many of you can attest), I don't avoid controversy, but I do rather stir shit up for sometimes pointless reasons. To me, this is just as bad (if not worse) as trying to be a nice guy. It's a "wannabe asshole" and it just hurts people for NO good reason.
Second, I don't actually want to hurt anyone. It IS my desire to have everyone like me, not by fitting into their molds for me, but rather that I simply don't step on their toes.
The way I see it, I've gone most of my life this "wannabe asshole" and I see it as destructive and unhealthy. People shouldn't have to suffer just so I can "be myself".
I still have a long way to go, and it's confusing where the lines are, but I do know this: being "off-putting" just so I can say "well that's me, take it or leave it" seems VERY insecure and unhealthy. I don't advocate it at all.
So that's a very real struggle I'm having with this book.
I'm also making a real effort to curb my "asshole" behavior. Not because I think I need approval, but because I don't want to hurt anyone carelessly. "Just being myself" doesn't justify being crude, rude, or careless.
I've mentioned this before to Ben (and this is more "proof" that I don't avoid confrontation or controversy) but when talking with, say, my hairdresser, I'm getting more aware of things she's sensitive to. Like her age, or her grandkids.
Mentioning how she's getting old (either directly or indirectly) is just rude, and has no place in constructive conversation. Sure, I'm "just being myself" but I'm being myself at my shittiest.
Something that struck me as true a while ago was the idea of "being your BEST self" (forget where I read it). But that's more what I'm after. So while I know this Manson guy is right and his heart is in the right place, he doesn't seem to be addressing the "over compensating guys" as much as he is the"nice guys"
So, that's what I'm dealing with these days.
