10-13-2017, 04:23 PM
Crap. An admission.
I blamed a guy who is emotionally unhealthy for my not going Wednesday. I couldn't control him, he's been a dominating controller his whole life, and I hid in that belief, fearing his anger at my dislike of it.
I don't think that was my real fear. I have been more afraid of me, a new me. Who will I be? How (should) I react? Who am I now? I'm so used to reacting to anyone and everyone around me. This is not a small admission. Whether it's with my daughter, coworker, mother, or whoever, I'm always waiting on them to admit their present mood on life (or a situation) so I can match it. No s***. I've played "nice" by agreeing with almost anything. I did say almost.
But in a coworker's words, I've played a "bitch" for others, my whole life long. I've been your "yes man". I saw nothing good in that--for ME--so I didn't go.
(What the frick is this sub doing in me? I like it)
I blamed a guy who is emotionally unhealthy for my not going Wednesday. I couldn't control him, he's been a dominating controller his whole life, and I hid in that belief, fearing his anger at my dislike of it.
I don't think that was my real fear. I have been more afraid of me, a new me. Who will I be? How (should) I react? Who am I now? I'm so used to reacting to anyone and everyone around me. This is not a small admission. Whether it's with my daughter, coworker, mother, or whoever, I'm always waiting on them to admit their present mood on life (or a situation) so I can match it. No s***. I've played "nice" by agreeing with almost anything. I did say almost.
But in a coworker's words, I've played a "bitch" for others, my whole life long. I've been your "yes man". I saw nothing good in that--for ME--so I didn't go.
(What the frick is this sub doing in me? I like it)
I want to be FREE!
