A Journey To Wholeness (DMSI 3.1)

[Benjamin]

The advantage of these is it was when I was doing security which makes me more comfortable and more confident. But still those reactions aren't typical. Looks like I only done V1 and V2.4 once. It would have been good to see them after a bit more time.

This shit was pretty fucking obvious reading it now, can't say i've had anything similar with 3.1. I'm curious how it would go trying one of them again, but that would just be to have some sex in the short term and take me away from what I need to do which is deal with other things and let go of the obsession I put on sex so much. Fuck I don't know, maybe since I finished 3.1 before my planned date I might briefly.

V1.

Ended up going to work and found out I wasn't working, but I was there talking to a mate and then they said "it's a bit busy do you want to work anyway". So that's good cos I was going to go home. Staying got me to see what AOSI potentially could do.

Before all that, I used to have this weird fear based response when I was going out to clubs to meet girls and was nervous where I kept feeling like I needed to goto the toilet, well this kicked in strong tonight more than in ages. Some of it may be that I was actually nervous that it was going to be a big night (well before the djs cancelled) but I feel some of it was from AOSI.. specifically related to some fear around sex. Because I actually realized when I used to experiment with the aphrodesiac programs i'd get a fear response where I actually felt MORE nervous around girls but the occasional time it would be awesome and it worked well.. mostly it caused more fear. Shannon said it must be some fear around sex when it happened back then.

At first I didn't feel that comfortable, in fact I felt like I was actually repelling girls fully, like i'd say stuff to them and be ignored and just felt weird and uncomfortable. And here's the weird thing, as soon as I was asked to work instantly I felt more confident and comfortable and relaxed (just in the mind going to a position of power I guess) then things seemed to happen a little.

Actually before that when I was feeling uncomfortable this girl seemed to be staring over out the door tons. And when I walked past later seemed to make some motion at her friend towards me but I don't know cos after that I noticed nothing.

So after I officially was 'on the job'. A group come in and were standing out the front. One girl started talking to me, apparently I went to school with her.. she was so friendly.. touching me heaps, hugged me twice cos she said something and i'm like "do you want a hug" and she really seemed to enjoy it, kept talking to me heaps. Got annoyed when I said an offhand comment about people being like "I went to school with you let me in for free" and was like "I hope you don't think that's me" which I didn't but it was funny her reaction. Then she didn't talk to me a bit.

Weird was she seemed to come with a guy. A bit later she talked to me more and went inside and i'm like "don't start a fight or i'll restrain you" and she said "ooh well i'd enjoy that". But ended up leaving with the same dude she come in with and seemed to have a wedding/engagement ring (I have no ***** idea what finger they go on cos I always forget).

Then there was this girl sitting on a chair by herself that seemed to keep staring and when I looked back I got a weird vibe and look from her.

There was also a girl who I met at the gym with a guy he know. From what I could read he was really into her and she wasn't. In fact she kept trying to start the conversation with me while ignoring him for ages. I wasn't going to do anything there with him there but maybe if I see her at the gym again. Though something is strange about her, the gym instructor said she has aspergers and I noticed something weird tonight more than I did at the gym.

So I dind't feel a huge difference and it's not like all these girls were looking at me, but I did feel a difference in the girls I did talk to and how they were acting.

The last one was a girl i've known for years just from her going out when i've been working. She always talks to me a little but tonight she did heaps, standing really close but I didn't think anything of it as I had no success in the past when I went for her number.

But when we were closing she was talking to me out the front, standing really close to me, touching me. Kept asking "what are you doing now" and I suggested she come inside the pub again but she made weird excuses. Now that I think about it I should have asked if she wanted a lift home as it kind of had a bit more of that vibe than "come in and hang around longer". And one thing that stood out is a few times at something I said she was kind of shocked at (like a story or whatever) she exclaimed "**** me!" after she did it twice and how she did it.. I was like "what the hell.. is that a hint" and nearly was like "oh **** you hey" but I didn't.

She sat down near her sister and a guy and she's like "oh my feet hurt" and actually reached out and grabbed my hand. Then she put her head on me and I tapped her like "there there" and she kind of went weird like "why are you going there there" then I sat next to her and even after all that i'm like "**** is she keen" but after all her touching and stuff, when I touched her leg she moved away a little, then she was talking about back tattoos and I put my hand on her back and she got up and walked over to her other friends.

I have no ***** idea, because her grabbing my hand, standing so close and everything seemed so obvious.

But what Shannon said seems to stand out in that if you have this sexual kind of vibe they are attracted to but then if you are unconfident, doubtful and unsure of yourself they will feel weird and avoid you.

And that seems to be what happened. I was okay before that but at the point I thought "oh this is happening, gotta make a move" I started to feel uncomfortable, the conversation went weird and she walked off.

But anyway, it was definately a difference these interactions with these 2 girls seemingly hitting on me, touching me heaps.. which doesn't usually happen.

And **** me (haha) after that little taste my prediction is true.. I so want to do AOSI way, way more now.

But the initial fear response combined with when it potentially got close to something happening the doubts really come up.. yes E2 is needed otherwise just as with WM when I get close to the success whatever this fear/truama/annoying bs thing is will just come up to derail things.

V2.4.

1 night of just 3 loops, and if this is a taste of DMSI 2.4 then i'm hooked. Though as I said with subliminals I straight away get these awesome results and see a taste then they seem to go until later on.

First is I think a missing link is something that is changed by me doing security, something around projection of authority and such. Which unfortunately if it's unisex that can't be done. Because I did have a couple of girls actually approach me. That happens very occasionally doing security, but not usually several in a night.

I just got home, but decided I wanted to relax and type up some stuff. But i'm tired so it may be hard to think.

The first big thing that others have mentioned is respect from guys. Met a few new guys through other people I know and got along with them better than usual. Though it also brought out some fuckheadedness from less secure guys I feel.

My confidence was definately higher than it has been for a while. Doing security does factor into that I admit but this was a little different. The girl who works security who isn't attractive at all was noticably more open and friendly to me. Which I guess is good, though she's ***** useless and doesn't know what to do if anything ever happens.

First when I got there a girl i've known since I was a kid was there. She's never done this before but she was full on all touchy, put her arm around me and seemed to be flirting more than usual. She isn't unattractive but she just doesn't do it for me. But it was interesting to note how touchy she was.

Some girls I said something to kind of ignored it and we're weird, including one I matched with on tinder a while ago. But the most interesting thing about that is that she is a little fat, but still attractive. But she reacted like that and the girls who come to talk to me tonight were highly attractive, way more than usually do stuff like this with me.

At the door one started talking to me, being pretty flirty. Can't remember many details in my tiredness.

The first notable one. I was standing with another security guy. Somehow this guy always has these girls all over him and hitting on him, but the weird thing is my mate who works with us tells me has a wife who is incredibly fat.. then he has all these sexy girls all over him and tells them he's taken.

So first these 2 girls come up to him talking about his muscles. I'm more muscular than him but I had a jacket on. I love this guy because unlike some insecure fuckheads he happily passes it on and says to one of them "what about his muscles" and I took one sleeve of my jacket off and flexed and she's like "wow yours are good too" and started talking to me and kept feeling up my arm and asking me questions. But then when her friend left she did too. I was joking around about superpowers and said her superpower is feeling me up and that my superpower is getting felt up by girls. (Hence the title of the journal)

I talked to her a few more times, after we had to physically remove a fuckhead I was going to her "oh my god where were you when we needed to restrain someone" and then I told her I may need to restrain her next and she put her arms behind her back and said "go ahead" and I pulled her hair and she got into it until her friend got upset and said something.

I told her i'd restrain her when I finished and she said ok, then I said "give me your number incase I can't find you" and she said she doesn't know it (PFFT). I grabbed her on the ass a few times too and she kept grabbing my arms. At the end of the night her friend was making out with a guy and she stood there looking cold. I said "I think you need a cuddle" and put my arm around her. Then i'm like "what are you doing now, stay back with me" then she's like "her mums here to pick us up" and left and i'm going to the guy "what the **** man" and he said "cockblocked by her mum" haha.

After that first one come up, I was standing inside and another girl come over and stood right next to me and stared at me, I think I said "hi" first automatically the way she looked at me. But it was full on her approaching me and it was pretty obvious. She asked how many layers I was wearing and actually put her hand down my shirt to see, and i'm like "you just wanted to feel up my chest" and she said "yeah" and a few minutes later I opened my jacket and i'm like "ok go ahead" and she kept feeling it up and put her hand up my shirt. And was very flirty and suggestive. She said she had to goto the bar and I got her number incase I didn't find her after.

I was talking to the first girl i've known for years, and this same girl come up and rubbed between my legs with her leg all suggestively. But went weird at this other girl being there, the other girl kept saying how 'bad' I was in a suggestive way. Thinking of it now the way she was touching me at the start of the night and how she was saying that it was like she was insinuating we had ***** and it scared her off which was annoying.

I messaged her near the end of the night. Then seen her standing there and talked to her more, pretending I was going to armlock her. She took her shoes off and was like "Ill show you a move" and this drunk guy was like "ok ok come over here and wrestle" and was going to people "ok im selling tickets to this fight". WTF. I said to her "I'll give you a cuddle instead" and put my arms around her and she put hers around me. I asked if she knew the guy as I thought they were friends, she didn't haha.

And I was like "What are you doing now" she said she had to find her friends and I told her "dont worry i'm more fun". Then this guy I know come in and like the biggest fuckard goes "Ben stop harassing girls" which I just ignored but she went weird and walked off. Then this idiot seriously said "I was helping you out" and I just said "**** off, you were cockblocking". Later on he asked for a lift.. **** no.

Then I was annoyed to see her walk out with another guy and leave with him with his arms around her. WTF.

Same old pattern of nights where this has happened in the past on occasion. Girls all over me when i'm doing security but when I try to close it they disappear. I was getting angry after it like "***** attention whores".

At the end of the night I was talking to a guy who used to work at the gym and his gf, and another girl who I tried to go on a date with years ago which was interrupted by her dad being angry was there and we were talking, turns out they were friends. He seemed to be hinting "when are you finishing" like he was trying to hook us up. But it's weird at this point i've known her so long and though we flirt a bit I can't really imagine ***** her anymore. So I kind of just let it go and went inside after a while.

One other girl is one who has liked me for years, but i've not had sex with due to several things that make it just not worth it. Well we used to flirt tons then she ignored me the last few times. This time she was full on, grabbing my ass, talking about how her friend said I have a nice ass, poking my chest, talking about anal sex. So much that her friend is like "oh my god you guys need a room and lube". I briefly considered ***** her but then come to my senses like "not worth it at all for the potential bs".

There may have been more, but i'm almost falling asleep so it's hard to think.

What I can say is I potentially made a mistake giving into the urge. Because honestly after the taste of tonight how the hell am I going to go back to E2. Right now after all that, I want to do DMSI 2.4 for a while and I probably will.

Several girls coming to talk to me, all highly attractive. Yes with security it happens at times, but not this many times to me in a night and definately not girls to this level of attractiveness.

But it leads me to think what I said at first that the projection of authority, being the man in charge, having the power.. whatever it is might be one of the missing links to actually get girls to approach. Sure they weren't like "oh lets have sex" which for some reason you guys are expecting and getting upset when it doesn't happen.

But coming and flirting and feeling me up, I don't need much else. If that happens regularly it's only a matter of time. And the awesome thing, I guess the autopilot was me being suggestive, grabbing them back a little, putting my arms around them and such... and also suggesting we do something after I finish. All awesome and felt natural and I did it without fear. If that's what DMSI was branded at initially, as dealing with the fear of talking to girls, making the move and whatever and caused things like this even if they aren't like "lets have sex". And it did it consistently and helped me to make the right moves on autopilot and have the confidence, i'd be happy.

I'm seeing alot of you guys like "Oh I went out and a girl didn't come up and ask me to bend her over and **** her right there so it's a failure".

Some of the problem there could the the initial premise of DMSI doing that and the marketing around having girls proposition you for sex.

Seriously if stuff that happened to me tonight happened regularly.. what more do you need. This is probably the most obvious girls are going to get, and it's just needed to take those opportunities.