09-13-2017, 03:53 PM
Another observation. There seems to be a pervading emphasis on balance in my thought processes right now. For example, a cascading thought that was triggered from noticing, over time, how people appear to me after they've suddenly felt empowered during/after AM6, DMSI, E2, etc:
To me, the healthy finale to overcoming shame (over some personal attribute) is not pride (in that attribute). It's balanced self-satisfaction. Even if pride is often the first step to learning to achieve balance: an overcompensation after having finally gotten that stubborn pendulum to budge from the "shame" side. But pride is not where I would choose to stop. The end goal for me would be to get that pendulum to stabilize in the middle, independent of either extreme. Freedom from shame is liberating. But my current mindset is that freedom from both shame and pride is more liberating. Others are free to value pride, of course; it has an understandable appeal to those who've carried shame for so long and can be an effective first step toward balance. But I think that pride may still warp one's self-image (convex versus concave) and intrude into others lives, almost as a reversed directional flow/imposition as compared to shame. Going overboard while trying to break free of shame, where self-satisfaction does not. And I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything that I'm thinking, just report my own sense of things and where my own goals stand.
I've extrapolated this idea further (to all changes, not just shame) in my offline journal, including quirks of change that seem not only less mysterious but inherently natural, but I'm tempted to leave those extended ideas where they are, as I can't expect that others would even concede me the above paragraph, much less want me to expound on it any further. And I'd fully understand why they might not.
More directly related to UD: As a continuation of what I'd mentioned on Monday, it almost feels like there's an intermittent increase in unflappability toward incoming external negativity. Not a shield or imperviousness, but a calm, peaceful unbotheredness. Not continuous either, just sporadic moments of it. Nightmares are still ongoing too. Those keep messing with my sleep, which isn't exactly conducive to the physical side of detoxing.
To me, the healthy finale to overcoming shame (over some personal attribute) is not pride (in that attribute). It's balanced self-satisfaction. Even if pride is often the first step to learning to achieve balance: an overcompensation after having finally gotten that stubborn pendulum to budge from the "shame" side. But pride is not where I would choose to stop. The end goal for me would be to get that pendulum to stabilize in the middle, independent of either extreme. Freedom from shame is liberating. But my current mindset is that freedom from both shame and pride is more liberating. Others are free to value pride, of course; it has an understandable appeal to those who've carried shame for so long and can be an effective first step toward balance. But I think that pride may still warp one's self-image (convex versus concave) and intrude into others lives, almost as a reversed directional flow/imposition as compared to shame. Going overboard while trying to break free of shame, where self-satisfaction does not. And I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything that I'm thinking, just report my own sense of things and where my own goals stand.
I've extrapolated this idea further (to all changes, not just shame) in my offline journal, including quirks of change that seem not only less mysterious but inherently natural, but I'm tempted to leave those extended ideas where they are, as I can't expect that others would even concede me the above paragraph, much less want me to expound on it any further. And I'd fully understand why they might not.
More directly related to UD: As a continuation of what I'd mentioned on Monday, it almost feels like there's an intermittent increase in unflappability toward incoming external negativity. Not a shield or imperviousness, but a calm, peaceful unbotheredness. Not continuous either, just sporadic moments of it. Nightmares are still ongoing too. Those keep messing with my sleep, which isn't exactly conducive to the physical side of detoxing.
