08-21-2017, 08:12 PM
It sucks how deep truama can go.
I went down the street today, I had this feeling of power briefly, standing up straight. But behind it was something else.. I just felt blocked in talking to people even in shops, and I also seemed to be intimidating people.
I was allowing myself to feel it and eventually it went to having a sore and cloudy head which is a familiar feeling from the past. I used to get it bad, and as I discovered during E2 it was connected to truama.
I come home and dialogued on it. And it seems the cloudy headed feeling is hiding a huge amount of fear behind it and i'm afraid to feel that as I feel like I can't handle it. And connected to that is fear of death or getting seriously hurt and that if I let go of this fear i'll be complacent and get hurt. And it's connected again to when I got attacked with an axe.
Then connecting with my higher self the guidance I got that in fact it's the opposite, holding onto the fear is NOT protecting me at all, in fact it's more dangerous for me and holding onto it will make me find bad situations hoping that this time i'll finally be able to deal with it. But it won't help and all that will is feeling it and making peace with it.
And it seems that doing more PSTEC on it will help. I'll sway test that.. but i've found the things that the dialoguing have told me have so far been useful. And when I did PSTEC on parts of that truama in the past I got to not staying at girls places for years after it to being able to now.
So again I risk more derailment of DMSI.. but holding the priority of really healing this stuff i'll wear that. I'll sway test it too and see.
I went down the street today, I had this feeling of power briefly, standing up straight. But behind it was something else.. I just felt blocked in talking to people even in shops, and I also seemed to be intimidating people.
I was allowing myself to feel it and eventually it went to having a sore and cloudy head which is a familiar feeling from the past. I used to get it bad, and as I discovered during E2 it was connected to truama.
I come home and dialogued on it. And it seems the cloudy headed feeling is hiding a huge amount of fear behind it and i'm afraid to feel that as I feel like I can't handle it. And connected to that is fear of death or getting seriously hurt and that if I let go of this fear i'll be complacent and get hurt. And it's connected again to when I got attacked with an axe.
Then connecting with my higher self the guidance I got that in fact it's the opposite, holding onto the fear is NOT protecting me at all, in fact it's more dangerous for me and holding onto it will make me find bad situations hoping that this time i'll finally be able to deal with it. But it won't help and all that will is feeling it and making peace with it.
And it seems that doing more PSTEC on it will help. I'll sway test that.. but i've found the things that the dialoguing have told me have so far been useful. And when I did PSTEC on parts of that truama in the past I got to not staying at girls places for years after it to being able to now.
So again I risk more derailment of DMSI.. but holding the priority of really healing this stuff i'll wear that. I'll sway test it too and see.
