LIMITLESS | MLS 5.5 Journal | Journey Into My Mind.

[Ars0n1sT]

I really couldn't give my dad a very good grade on being a father, and especially for being a role model (always closed off, angry, resentful, won't speak, etc), but I've come to realize that he did what he could. Its only in these last few years and months that I think I've faced and (partially) overcome some of the causes behind that behavior as its manifesting in me, and I think he might only be starting the process a bit now. The point is, I guess the best you can do is try to heal & clear as much of yourself as you can, cause that kinda sets the baseline of how good you can be. (Imo of course, just trying to be encouraging/empowering.)

It makes sense. We are who we are for a reason. While we consciously may not be aware of the cause behind out moods, actions, values, etc: the subconscious is reeling with past memories that make up your core self and the subconscious often refers back to these core pieces without notifying the conscious mind Correct me if i'm wrong Shannon but that seems logical to me on a high level.

I've accepted that no parent if perfect because humans are not perfect. We have to learn lessons somehow and it is absolutely impossible not to feel sadness, depression, remorse, shame, guilt, etc at some points of our life. We would not be humans otherwise. Shannon just happens to provide cheat codes for life to help us with those buried memories that affect us. Love it.

Journal:
faaaaack I broke NoFap after 11 days. I'm glazed over so bad today. Soo many girls sending nudes yesterday... its like they all picked one day lol. Today is weird... even being glossed over i'm way more organized and am taking absolutely brilliant notes. Its like I'm on auto pilot because I cant consciously think worth shit. I listened to 3.5 loops yesterday during the day. My damn app crashed and I didn't realize it. Today I have a lunch date and then my fwb is coming over after work so I may have to play MLS while I sleep today.