Seems like 6 loops is shifting something. I mentioned that I had little desire for girls or anything, well last night I had like 3 or 4 sex type dreams.. I kind of had a wet dream but it wasn't 'wet'.. i've noticed that a few times during DMSI.
And today I have some desire again. I'm not sure whether to follow it or not yet as I feel like I need more time to integrate things and keep working on the remaining abandonment type feelings.
Then I had the thought of "Am I possibly causing myself other issues by when these desires are coming up by saying no basically and kind of judging myself for it".
I did notice on the weekend when I went to the zoo atleast I was just enjoying the attraction and enjoying looking at them with less need to get anything. Though all this week i've barely been anywhere, and where I did go monday there was mainly guys.
I'm still working on the abandonment, rejection and such.. which definately isn't the same intensity.
The other thing I was thinking about when I woke up, that without girls or abandonment or whatever to think about.. is that why i've been obsessing about some other things a bit much? Like "oh shit i've gotta have something to worry about if that's gone".
And also exploring a new part.. that I can't feel that much or really find much intensity, but I know it's there. And that's basically feeling bad for being a man due to all the bs in society, ubringing, media and whatever. I assume part of that is also connected to the abandonment issues which might be why I can't find alot of it, though I did find some. Or that it's not yet coming up.
The thought along with that is being unsure how not knowing who my dad is and him not being there when I was born and such has had an effect.
So something is telling me to explore that more.
Actually, interesting.. I just did some exploration on it and now i'm feeling a slight feeling of emptiness around my solar plexus, so it's like it brought something up that I wasn't aware of.
And today I have some desire again. I'm not sure whether to follow it or not yet as I feel like I need more time to integrate things and keep working on the remaining abandonment type feelings.
Then I had the thought of "Am I possibly causing myself other issues by when these desires are coming up by saying no basically and kind of judging myself for it".
I did notice on the weekend when I went to the zoo atleast I was just enjoying the attraction and enjoying looking at them with less need to get anything. Though all this week i've barely been anywhere, and where I did go monday there was mainly guys.
I'm still working on the abandonment, rejection and such.. which definately isn't the same intensity.
The other thing I was thinking about when I woke up, that without girls or abandonment or whatever to think about.. is that why i've been obsessing about some other things a bit much? Like "oh shit i've gotta have something to worry about if that's gone".
And also exploring a new part.. that I can't feel that much or really find much intensity, but I know it's there. And that's basically feeling bad for being a man due to all the bs in society, ubringing, media and whatever. I assume part of that is also connected to the abandonment issues which might be why I can't find alot of it, though I did find some. Or that it's not yet coming up.
The thought along with that is being unsure how not knowing who my dad is and him not being there when I was born and such has had an effect.
So something is telling me to explore that more.
Actually, interesting.. I just did some exploration on it and now i'm feeling a slight feeling of emptiness around my solar plexus, so it's like it brought something up that I wasn't aware of.
