07-29-2017, 08:27 PM
Had my first day where I felt actually good about myself and my life for the first time in about a month. This is big, given the general tone of this journal lately.
Tons of progress. It's as I have noticed previously - I've gotten past a lot of stuff intellectually, but not on the subconscious level, which resists accepting certain truths or new, better, more useful beliefs. I've probably still got some ways to go, but I can feel, see, tell and accept that I've actually accepted certain truths as they are and for what they are (mostly pertaining to: actual female nature and getting rid of irrational feelings of inadequacy/the need to impress/fight an uphill battle). There still might be some leftovers of that - I can tell because sometimes my brain will flare up with, for instance, "when you next have sex with a woman you will get ED because you're worthless, brah", but - given the progress - I am quite sure it is going to be taken care of soon enough, and its been kicking up less and less, and now when I do get thoughts of this ilk, I don't get angry or depressed - I'm actually rather amused with myself, lol ("lol, I can see what I'm trying to do here, get out of here with that bullcrap, me
" and suchlike).
Funnily enough, I've had a slight windfall of potato that would allow me to purchase MLS right now, but - even though I will buy and use it sooner or later - I do not feel inclined to do so right now. Currently planning to keep running DMSI until at least September. MLS will keep. It's not going anywhere.
Tons of progress. It's as I have noticed previously - I've gotten past a lot of stuff intellectually, but not on the subconscious level, which resists accepting certain truths or new, better, more useful beliefs. I've probably still got some ways to go, but I can feel, see, tell and accept that I've actually accepted certain truths as they are and for what they are (mostly pertaining to: actual female nature and getting rid of irrational feelings of inadequacy/the need to impress/fight an uphill battle). There still might be some leftovers of that - I can tell because sometimes my brain will flare up with, for instance, "when you next have sex with a woman you will get ED because you're worthless, brah", but - given the progress - I am quite sure it is going to be taken care of soon enough, and its been kicking up less and less, and now when I do get thoughts of this ilk, I don't get angry or depressed - I'm actually rather amused with myself, lol ("lol, I can see what I'm trying to do here, get out of here with that bullcrap, me
" and suchlike).Funnily enough, I've had a slight windfall of potato that would allow me to purchase MLS right now, but - even though I will buy and use it sooner or later - I do not feel inclined to do so right now. Currently planning to keep running DMSI until at least September. MLS will keep. It's not going anywhere.
