I may have mentioned this, I looked back through this page and can't find it so I don't know if I did or just thought it.
Been thinking more today about the possibility that this other work i'm doing and DMSI may be in conflict for 1 main reason.
I decided to not go for girls for atleast a month, which it's nearly been and i'm likely extending that longer to work on more abandonment and learning to be self fulfilled without them. I still talk to some if I come across them, but not to take it anywhere.
And working on letting go of the need for girls to make me happy, so when i've had the desire to go out and meet girls, or sign up for dating sites again and message them i've stopped myself and worked on exploring why i'm feeling I need them in that moment to feel good about myself.
But DMSI is pushing me to be with girls, like earlier on (as in the time i've been listening to DMSI) i'd get urges to go out to places, message girls or whatever and it's also working on motivation to do so.
And i'm consciously going against that to work on the abandonment and learn to not need girls to make me happy.
Which brings me to wondering, when the urge comes up I see it as neediness as that's my old pattern and it's nearly always been that. But some of it could also be motivation from DMSI to meet girls.
It's confusing because DMSI I can say definately brought me to the point of working on this through the healing, yet at the moment what I need to be doing for that is possibly going against the goals of the program as I have noticed the aura lessening alot.
So i've had thoughts of possibly dropping DMSI, going back to E2 as it matches the energy of love, loving myself which is partly what i'm working on for the abandonment, self love, reparenting, inner bonding and such or just doing these other things for a while.
I know it sounds strange, but in a way DMSI leading me to work on my abandonment issues and letting go of the need to have girls make me happy.. it's possibly putting itself 'out of business' so to speak.. in that if it succeeds in that then i'll have much less need to use it.
Though at some stage it should balance out and just be the natural desire without the neediness and be able to express myself to girls without 'needing' anything from them, and that is the ideal place i'd like to reach.
The other thing is that in one way using DMSI has created another insecurity about feeling like i'm not good enough without DMSI and that if I don't have it and the aura I can't get girls, or atleast not of the same quality. And i've seen a big difference in the reactions i've got in the last few weeks when the aura hasn't been there, even before when I felt a little off or not fully comfortable i'd still mainly get good reactions.
Seeing that it isn't able to power itself when you get off DMSI then the main benefit is the healing, self validation and such.
So the next conflict is potentially to be able to get to the point where I inherently feel good enough i'd have to get off DMSI and deal with the difference in reactions and be okay with that.
I'm mainly staying on it for the healing right now as it's focusing me on dealing with these issues i've been talking about and making me hyperfocused to deal with them and working on it every day. Other than that at the point i've reached some days and seen a taste of is.. I want to deal with other important areas of my life.
And since DMSI healing is just to the point of "getting you healed enough to get sex" at some point it stops, where possibly there may be more for me to heal on the core wounds i'm working with. And I have noticed the last few weeks as i've done work on this my motivation to do so has waned a bit on the days when i've felt less needy.
So again the letting go of the need, DMSI potentially putting itself 'out of business'.. though now that i've said that.. that in fact may be a very good end goal for some people on this program. If it could get them to a point where they are connected with their inherent worth, good enough as a person, and embodying that and not needing girls to fill a hole inside them, make them happy.. and just coming from their own genuine expression..
Then i'd call it a success.. as it can't really be something used for your whole life just to keep up the aura. With that goal in mind, developing it towards that direction may be better for long term even when people stop using it.
Though Shannon may have had something different in mind for the end goal those are my current thoughts.
I'd be curious to hear anyone else's thoughts. I know a few of you who have identified with what i've been writing lately.
Been thinking more today about the possibility that this other work i'm doing and DMSI may be in conflict for 1 main reason.
I decided to not go for girls for atleast a month, which it's nearly been and i'm likely extending that longer to work on more abandonment and learning to be self fulfilled without them. I still talk to some if I come across them, but not to take it anywhere.
And working on letting go of the need for girls to make me happy, so when i've had the desire to go out and meet girls, or sign up for dating sites again and message them i've stopped myself and worked on exploring why i'm feeling I need them in that moment to feel good about myself.
But DMSI is pushing me to be with girls, like earlier on (as in the time i've been listening to DMSI) i'd get urges to go out to places, message girls or whatever and it's also working on motivation to do so.
And i'm consciously going against that to work on the abandonment and learn to not need girls to make me happy.
Which brings me to wondering, when the urge comes up I see it as neediness as that's my old pattern and it's nearly always been that. But some of it could also be motivation from DMSI to meet girls.
It's confusing because DMSI I can say definately brought me to the point of working on this through the healing, yet at the moment what I need to be doing for that is possibly going against the goals of the program as I have noticed the aura lessening alot.
So i've had thoughts of possibly dropping DMSI, going back to E2 as it matches the energy of love, loving myself which is partly what i'm working on for the abandonment, self love, reparenting, inner bonding and such or just doing these other things for a while.
I know it sounds strange, but in a way DMSI leading me to work on my abandonment issues and letting go of the need to have girls make me happy.. it's possibly putting itself 'out of business' so to speak.. in that if it succeeds in that then i'll have much less need to use it.
Though at some stage it should balance out and just be the natural desire without the neediness and be able to express myself to girls without 'needing' anything from them, and that is the ideal place i'd like to reach.
The other thing is that in one way using DMSI has created another insecurity about feeling like i'm not good enough without DMSI and that if I don't have it and the aura I can't get girls, or atleast not of the same quality. And i've seen a big difference in the reactions i've got in the last few weeks when the aura hasn't been there, even before when I felt a little off or not fully comfortable i'd still mainly get good reactions.
Seeing that it isn't able to power itself when you get off DMSI then the main benefit is the healing, self validation and such.
So the next conflict is potentially to be able to get to the point where I inherently feel good enough i'd have to get off DMSI and deal with the difference in reactions and be okay with that.
I'm mainly staying on it for the healing right now as it's focusing me on dealing with these issues i've been talking about and making me hyperfocused to deal with them and working on it every day. Other than that at the point i've reached some days and seen a taste of is.. I want to deal with other important areas of my life.
And since DMSI healing is just to the point of "getting you healed enough to get sex" at some point it stops, where possibly there may be more for me to heal on the core wounds i'm working with. And I have noticed the last few weeks as i've done work on this my motivation to do so has waned a bit on the days when i've felt less needy.
So again the letting go of the need, DMSI potentially putting itself 'out of business'.. though now that i've said that.. that in fact may be a very good end goal for some people on this program. If it could get them to a point where they are connected with their inherent worth, good enough as a person, and embodying that and not needing girls to fill a hole inside them, make them happy.. and just coming from their own genuine expression..
Then i'd call it a success.. as it can't really be something used for your whole life just to keep up the aura. With that goal in mind, developing it towards that direction may be better for long term even when people stop using it.
Though Shannon may have had something different in mind for the end goal those are my current thoughts.
I'd be curious to hear anyone else's thoughts. I know a few of you who have identified with what i've been writing lately.
