Still feel like i'm repelling most girls i'm attracted to at the moment like a creeper or something, before switching off A I was talking to girls and almost every one reacted well. Now the comfort in talking to them isn't there the same and they are reacting weirdly. And I also feel weird and awkward aroudn them.
I talk to several girls at the gym regularly, though most of those are ones i'm not interested in or care about sexually because of some reason but I like talking to them. Today several people talking to me, but a girl i'd talked to a few times who is sexy pissed me off by ignoring me totally, like just blanking me. Usually even with headphones she hears me, but today I even waved when I was pretty much sitting next to her and said "how's it going" and nothing.
I did the dialoguing again today in writing and I plan to do it regularly, a bit each day. I can't remember alot of what come up but it was interesting.
Some of it was that i've been ignoring the part of me that has been 'resisting' by when something comes up telling it to 'fuck off' which is actually what I do in my mind alot of the time when emotions come up trying to derail the subliminal. And that it just wants to be heard and acknowledged.
Also an interesting thing that come up that i've had thoughts about a bit is "If you are sexually irresistible and get all the sex you want then you won't be bothered to achieve other things and deal with things around money and other areas that you really need to deal with in your life".
That is partly true from my past experience, but I reassured it that if we let DMSI work that the US/UM and such will kick in and help with other things and that I will still make time for work and dealing with other things and set aside seperate time for girls.
And that all i've done is try to 'slam' it more with subliminals and try to force the change instead of listening, understanding and acknowledging that part of me and how it feels.
That is very true too. I haven't wanted to listen to that part of myself, those feelings.. i've just wanted to brute force the change, listening more and more hours. I've had things come up trying to release the programming in the moment and i've just ignored it, told it to fuck off and tried to refocus on the subliminals..
But it's not gone away, it's got a little better with DMSI but it still keeps coming up.. almost every time I identify a positive change even if it's been happening for a while and I become aware of it, a part of myself comes up in that moment trying to get rid of it.
I've got pissed off, angry at it, raged at this happening, tried to ignore and resist it coming up.. and it's helped about not much at all.
So it's time to dialogue with it, find out why.. reassure that part of myself, and come up with ways we can allow DMSI and it's programming to be okay to execute.
I don't totally know what i'm doing, just winging it at the moment.. but doing it twice has brought up some interesting things I hadn't considered.
EDIT: I also did the 'sway test' on 'will this dialoguing help me execute DMSI better?' and I kept getting yes. Honestly I feel a little 'weaker' from doing it, but i'm hoping it might adjust and to trust that, like i'm trusting that somehow Version B is more effective right now for dealing with my main issues.
I'm not sure how long i'll run it. Initially I got an answer of 3 weeks. A few nights ago the answer was '2 weeks'. Which would mean only a few more days.
I talk to several girls at the gym regularly, though most of those are ones i'm not interested in or care about sexually because of some reason but I like talking to them. Today several people talking to me, but a girl i'd talked to a few times who is sexy pissed me off by ignoring me totally, like just blanking me. Usually even with headphones she hears me, but today I even waved when I was pretty much sitting next to her and said "how's it going" and nothing.
I did the dialoguing again today in writing and I plan to do it regularly, a bit each day. I can't remember alot of what come up but it was interesting.
Some of it was that i've been ignoring the part of me that has been 'resisting' by when something comes up telling it to 'fuck off' which is actually what I do in my mind alot of the time when emotions come up trying to derail the subliminal. And that it just wants to be heard and acknowledged.
Also an interesting thing that come up that i've had thoughts about a bit is "If you are sexually irresistible and get all the sex you want then you won't be bothered to achieve other things and deal with things around money and other areas that you really need to deal with in your life".
That is partly true from my past experience, but I reassured it that if we let DMSI work that the US/UM and such will kick in and help with other things and that I will still make time for work and dealing with other things and set aside seperate time for girls.
And that all i've done is try to 'slam' it more with subliminals and try to force the change instead of listening, understanding and acknowledging that part of me and how it feels.
That is very true too. I haven't wanted to listen to that part of myself, those feelings.. i've just wanted to brute force the change, listening more and more hours. I've had things come up trying to release the programming in the moment and i've just ignored it, told it to fuck off and tried to refocus on the subliminals..
But it's not gone away, it's got a little better with DMSI but it still keeps coming up.. almost every time I identify a positive change even if it's been happening for a while and I become aware of it, a part of myself comes up in that moment trying to get rid of it.
I've got pissed off, angry at it, raged at this happening, tried to ignore and resist it coming up.. and it's helped about not much at all.
So it's time to dialogue with it, find out why.. reassure that part of myself, and come up with ways we can allow DMSI and it's programming to be okay to execute.
I don't totally know what i'm doing, just winging it at the moment.. but doing it twice has brought up some interesting things I hadn't considered.
EDIT: I also did the 'sway test' on 'will this dialoguing help me execute DMSI better?' and I kept getting yes. Honestly I feel a little 'weaker' from doing it, but i'm hoping it might adjust and to trust that, like i'm trusting that somehow Version B is more effective right now for dealing with my main issues.
I'm not sure how long i'll run it. Initially I got an answer of 3 weeks. A few nights ago the answer was '2 weeks'. Which would mean only a few more days.
