06-28-2017, 08:47 AM
(06-28-2017, 07:09 AM)kalmah0804 Wrote: That's exactly what I'm going through right now as the effects of the AM Refresher phase I didn't finish start to wear off--it's that balancing of risking your financial stability to achieve your farfetched dreams as opposed to finding something more steady and reliable to help execute the goals of the program in the immediate sense. From my perspective, an assistant-level entertainment gig pays very little and adds a ton of misery and stress to my life, leaves me with no time or energy to execute on other aspects of the program, so it feels like I veer towards finding an easy or steady/reliable job that pays moderately well and that I can easily keep down.
That being said, my writing has been my dream ever since I was small, and I still firmly do believe I have the talent to one day become a great success--and being an assistant can often become a huge stepping stone for "making it" in my chosen field. Balancing the needs to execute in the short term as well as the long term is definitely a tough thing, and a lot of it certainly does have to do with fear of failing or losing it all, or at the very least, taking a huge risk on yourself and never having anything to show for it.
It's definitely tricky. But I've found for me it's really important to follow my intuition. I don't know how to describe it but it's like consciously we create this path that we think is the best way to our goal. But our subconscious has a better idea of how to get there, often in ways we can't consciously understand. That's why it's important to be open to everything, more opportunities show themselves when I'm open to them. My problem in the past was I was so narrowly focused and convinced that there was only one way forward, but there are thousands of different ways and if you open up yourself to that your subconscious will guide you to the most optimum one. This would probably be the optimus engine in effect.
Something really difficult happened the other day for me. Feels like maybe I made it past some block or healed some internal pain. But I've been avoiding this for a while now and it all built up. I wish I could put into words what I felt, but truth be told it was beyond words. Some of the worst emotional pain I've ever felt and some of the worst fear I've ever felt.
It basically showed me that there is more to face inside myself. And I want it to be easy and painless, but it's not going to work out that way. Every time I try to utilize some technique or observe my emotions to let go of them, they don't really resolve or heal. It's more like they go into hiding and I delude myself into believing I've moved past it. The only real way for me to process and let these emotions go is to let them run their course. Sometimes it's really painful, sometimes it's not. But the bottomline is I can't interrupt that process with my conscious mind thinking there's a better pain free way to do it because it just results in avoidance or suppression.
