06-16-2017, 11:04 AM
Been watching my internal dialogue more lately. Realized my mood always goes south when I don't watch what I tell myself enough. For me it's about catching it before it spirals out of control. To give an example.
I was working on a track today, a cover of Close To You by The Carpenters. Figured out the chord progression and melody, had it sounding pretty good. Listened to the original and realized how much more work I had left. Today was my day off so I was more relaxed. But then I thought about having to work tomorrow and not having time to really get into my music. Then I thought about the big picture and got really depressed that I don't have as much energy to pursue my music as much as I'd like. Then I thought about how I'm still stuck in life. Well you can tell how it goes from there.
Anyway, I caught it before it kept turning into that ruminating spiral of depression. It's a step in the right direction because at least now I know what I'm doing to trigger my more depressive episodes and I can avoid it.
On that note I've also realized fighting fear with anger doesn't work. I was really stressed these past few weeks because I kept pushing and pushing. Felt like I had to hype myself up to go into work. I'm getting more clear about the sources of my anxiety and addressing those instead of just trying to power my way through the situations. Trying to work smarter and actually solve this problem instead of wasting all this mental energy coping.
Also I'm taking it easy from now on with the emotional healing. Some things take time to heal and going in there and re traumatizing myself and dwelling on past pains won't make me release them faster. I'm pretty much done treating my mental health as some sort of endurance or strength test, where the more time I stay in that pain the greater the growth. It's just not true and my insecurities surrounding my own weaknesses drove me to subject myself to more than I can handle which consequently stunting my growth at times.
I still have a lot of insecurities about where I am in life. As much as I try not to compare myself to others, it's hard at times. I'm walking a path right now that's far detached from what I've been told growing up. Maybe I'm completely wrong, I don't know. But in my opinion you're more likely to regret a life where you didn't take any chances and played it safe vs taking those chances. It's always those what ifs that keep me up at night and I don't want anymore what ifs in my life.
I was working on a track today, a cover of Close To You by The Carpenters. Figured out the chord progression and melody, had it sounding pretty good. Listened to the original and realized how much more work I had left. Today was my day off so I was more relaxed. But then I thought about having to work tomorrow and not having time to really get into my music. Then I thought about the big picture and got really depressed that I don't have as much energy to pursue my music as much as I'd like. Then I thought about how I'm still stuck in life. Well you can tell how it goes from there.
Anyway, I caught it before it kept turning into that ruminating spiral of depression. It's a step in the right direction because at least now I know what I'm doing to trigger my more depressive episodes and I can avoid it.
On that note I've also realized fighting fear with anger doesn't work. I was really stressed these past few weeks because I kept pushing and pushing. Felt like I had to hype myself up to go into work. I'm getting more clear about the sources of my anxiety and addressing those instead of just trying to power my way through the situations. Trying to work smarter and actually solve this problem instead of wasting all this mental energy coping.
Also I'm taking it easy from now on with the emotional healing. Some things take time to heal and going in there and re traumatizing myself and dwelling on past pains won't make me release them faster. I'm pretty much done treating my mental health as some sort of endurance or strength test, where the more time I stay in that pain the greater the growth. It's just not true and my insecurities surrounding my own weaknesses drove me to subject myself to more than I can handle which consequently stunting my growth at times.
I still have a lot of insecurities about where I am in life. As much as I try not to compare myself to others, it's hard at times. I'm walking a path right now that's far detached from what I've been told growing up. Maybe I'm completely wrong, I don't know. But in my opinion you're more likely to regret a life where you didn't take any chances and played it safe vs taking those chances. It's always those what ifs that keep me up at night and I don't want anymore what ifs in my life.
