06-13-2017, 11:02 PM
I visited my aunt last week with my mom and stayed there for a week. Also, I notice that it's nearly been a month since my last update. There have been a few things I noticed.
1. I have gotten two accidental discounts. (One was a female server in mid 20s and the other was mid aged woman)
The first was during a lunch before we went to my graduation ceremony. My aunt's family as well as one other cousin visited me during that time, so the group was big, a party of 6. We went to a tapas bar for the lunch, and we ended up ordering quite a bit of tapas. When we got the bill I noticed that one tapas was missing. I wasn't sure what to do, and the group basically decided to tip largely.
The second was at a mall at my aunt's. My mom and I were shopping for my clothes. We picked up two clothing, and went to checkout. My aunt gave the department store card and a gift card to use. We used both, and the discount was very large, much larger than I suspected. The cashier even stated that we were lucky. When we came back, it turned out that the cashier checked the cheaper item twice.
Was it intentional on their end, or was it a simple mistake? In my entire life, I haven't had such mistakes happened to me (and if it did, it usually made price higher not lower) before being on DMSI. Likely coincidences, but welcome coincidences
Also, I had another similar incidence with a Chinese older man. This was when my mom, I and my cousin were going to a Chinese restaurant. The line was already forming up outside the restaurant. We went there and asked if it was the line waiting to get inside, and the answer was yes. Then, an old Chinese man sitting right next to the line (he wasn't in the line though) was saying something in Chinese, while directly looking at me. Since I didn't speak any Chinese, we didn't understand anything, but the guy kept saying something and waving us to move inside. Well, we did it anyway, and it turned out that the restaurant was opened, and we became the first customer.
My mom claims that the Chinese man was looking at us, or she was claiming that perhaps she looks like a Chinese that the guy wanted to help. However, I feel that the guy was directly looking at me while saying the stuff and waving at us to go inside, so I feel that it was probably me. Who knows, it could be that we were the only Asian in the line at the moment, so it could be that too.
2. Talking about relationship and sex with my cousin (sexually conservative cousin) and having very deep conversation
Let me first give a description of this cousin. She is just about my age, (8 months younger, but in my culture, she is still born a year later, so I am older, and put on the higher status) and she is a devout Christian. She feels pretty conservative on my standard, but she is especially very conservative on sex issues. (Pretty much all of my mother's side of family is like that) I accidentally have mentioned sexual stuff on a text I sent her a year ago, and it didn't turn out well at all. (It got her not wanting to text me at all, and it even went to a point that she told my aunt about it (because my aunt asked her to text me more and asked why she isn't doing it) and that it got into my mom's ear..........). Although that was the case, she became totally cool, and had no negative feelings when she came here for my graduation ceremony, and stayed that way ever since. Lastly, she is a feminist according to her, and her sister. I found this slightly interesting as she is very conservative and passive in terms of sex, which is not aligned with feminist ideal (liberation of female sexuality.) Though she is a feminist, I will probably say that she isn't hardcore SJW type of feminist, nor her feminist ideal isn't all that fierce. But who knows.
Since we stayed at my aunt's place, we had a few chance for talks, and I tried to avoid talking about sex or relationship related stuff. So for the first day or two we mostly talked about my paper and her career/start up plan.
On the third day, my mom, I and the cousin went to Manhattan. She was our guide as she went to school in Manhattan. One of the places we visited was the Central Park, and we had a chance to walk there for a bit. My cousin was telling us how she comes a few times to the park and jogs with her friend. She told us that she has friends who love to jog in the park, and she also joins them on an occasion. I then asked her, do all of them wear exercise outfit (which I am sucker of. I love women with great body wearing gym outfits. It looks great to me) and she was like of course. I then told her "then, it would be provide a great sightseeing if they have great bodies." She laughed. Very subtle, but still a bit sexual talk, which I wonder if she would have taken well if it took a place in the past year or earlier.
The next day, my mom's friends (she has a few of them in my aunt's area, but nearly zero in my area) and my mom were having a lunch. That left my cousin and I alone. Basically the plan was that she and I were going to hangout out there until my mom's done with her friends, and then we were going to pick her up. (My cousin was the only one who had car, and who was able to drive at the moment.)
My cousin and I went for lunch. Surprisingly, she was the one who first brought up the topic of dating. She asked me if I was interested in dating a girl. I told her that I am, but given the circumstances, I am practically given up at the moment. I also told her not only my situation is posing a challenge, but also my lack of knowing and understanding meeting the quality women I want and deserve. She told me that being alone must be hard and it would be great for me to have a girlfriend to emotionally and mentally depend on. I told her that those are great, but I would also like a girlfriend whom I can physically and spiritually bond with. I then told her that finding such a girl whom I can do all of those are hard. She agreed that meeting the right person was hard. She then mentioned something about online dating, which we chatted a bit. She then told me how she also has troubles meeting guys. I told her that it would be difficult in a way as she mostly goes out with a bunch of girls, and that it can be difficult for guys to approach. She then was like even when she's alone waiting for her friend, no guys approached her. I was surprised as she isn't a bad looking girl. She then told me that she anyway does not have much desire to date. This reminded me something I heard previously that millennials nowadays don't want a relationship, and they just masturbate at their offices. I then mentioned it, slightly toned down version (not mentioning it as masturbate, but mentioned it as having no desire to meet lovers), and mentioned how she is similar to these millennials.
The bill came and we left to grab desserts. However, the millennial thing remained still in my head. When we got back to the car, too much curiosity lingered in my head, and I just gave in, knowing that I could get into a trouble. I basically asked her, "I know that I shouldn't ask this, but my curiosity is too great that I'm just going to do it. How do you take care of things when you get lonely, considering that you are living with your parents, and also that your room is right next to your parents'." Surprisingly, she took it remarkably well, and replied that "you know, I don't have a libido. I just don't. I heard that people's needs are sum of three big needs/desires, (somnolence, appetite/gluttony, libido) for me somnolence is the biggest, and libido is nonexistent." I then asked if she's alright talking about these stuff (as it turned out pretty horribly in the past), and she told me that she's direct person that if it isn't good, she would have stopped me. My cousin then said to me that how girls talk about sex when they are together. She told me that some of her friends freely talk about using sex toys, and share experiences, but she told me that she has never used it nor has any desire for sex. I then told her that having zero libido can be a challenge for her future relationship as guys can think that that girls are cheating if they have zero libido. She asked me is it difficult to take care of my libido while my mom's visiting me (as she stays in my apt), and my answer to that was "no comment." She laughed hard and said "oh come on." I then replied, that "it can complicate things."
Then, something really surprising happened. She told me that how she has this "good girl complex" that when she was growing up she got to hear from her grandma and others that she's a good girl that she needs to concede to others and such. I told her that I never told her she's a good girl nor thinks she should be one, unless she wants to be. "I told her that it's okay for me for her to be... naughty for the lack of better words." She laughed very hard, and asked what I meant by naughty. I told her that I don't know, but, it was something like, she met a guy, had premarital sex, and had a baby type of thing, or just about anything else, as long as it didn't cross the boundary. She and I discussed what I meant as boundary, and she told me that it was feeling very supportive of me to say that I'd back her up even if she did something "naughty." The discussion of what counts as naughty continued, which led to what we thought as healthy sex and relationship, which then basically ended as my stating as it is very important to set the clear boundary with your lover/significant other/boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife what's acceptable and what's not, and that requires having lots of communication. I then told her, for whatever reason, if libido comes to her, and if she needs any help, I'd gladly help. Unfortunately, I think it pulled off not in the way I intended. The girl was slightly freaking out and told me "you're crazy", but seemed somewhat excited. Then she was like I suppose you can recommend me a few videos. I told her, let me know your preference. She soon then mentioned, well I better have a husband by that time, which I agreed that it would be for the better.
We then went to a bookstore to check a few books (some of which I might have a use for my capstone paper), and just a bit later my mom called, and we went to pick her up.
Did I totally fuck things up with her? Maybe maybe not. Hopefully I didn't, and if I did, it happened, so be it. I'm not too sure how things will fold out, but I think the conversation wasn't too bad.
Come to think of it, I think that the girl may be lying to me about her want/needs for relationship and sex. At the same time, I can believe what she told me. Right now though, as I write this, my feeling is that she wants a boyfriend/husband, and also that she has a fairly strong libido. However, she's denying it for whatever reason, perhaps the good girl complex. I feel that I was the same, but now I am different, and I am more accepting that side of me. Who knows, she may become like me. I just hope that she is 100% okay with who she is and enjoys all the needs and desires freely and without shame.
3. Being checked out by a girl
I don't think I have ever noticed a girl checking me out, and I might have noticed a girl checking me out first time.
A few days past the day of conversation with my cousin, she, my mom, and I went out to Manhattan again. (This was the same day as the Chinese restaurant) We were walking towards the One World Observatory, and got tuck at a crosswalk by the traffic light. I noticed a blonde girl with her boyfriend. I was wearing a Polaroid sunglasses, and the girl was also wearing one. I could see through her sunglasses that she was checking me out. Her eyes were moving up and down to check me out, and later locked to gaze my face, chest or arm. (She was looking at me sideways) She was looking at me for nearly 10 seconds or more. (She was looking at me pretty much for the entire time for the wait of the traffic light, which wasn't too long.)
Interestingly, she was doing that while she was holding her boyfriend's waist, while he was holding her shoulders.
Sadly, I don't know what to do given the situation, so I didn't do anything
Even if I did, I was definitely not in a situation that I could have done anything.
In the end, I think that DMSI effect may still be on. At least, I can say that I have had improvements, especially in conversing. At the same time, I know my problems, and what I need to do. I need to get out more, and find avenues where I will meet (right) girls. This part has been especially difficult, and I don't know if I can do it anytime soon. I probably won't be able to really get myself to do it until I finish my capstone requirement.
Also, I notice that my desire to go back to listening to sub(s) has gotten larger. I am just having difficulty determining whether to go back to DMSI or listening to other manifestation sub.
1. I have gotten two accidental discounts. (One was a female server in mid 20s and the other was mid aged woman)
The first was during a lunch before we went to my graduation ceremony. My aunt's family as well as one other cousin visited me during that time, so the group was big, a party of 6. We went to a tapas bar for the lunch, and we ended up ordering quite a bit of tapas. When we got the bill I noticed that one tapas was missing. I wasn't sure what to do, and the group basically decided to tip largely.
The second was at a mall at my aunt's. My mom and I were shopping for my clothes. We picked up two clothing, and went to checkout. My aunt gave the department store card and a gift card to use. We used both, and the discount was very large, much larger than I suspected. The cashier even stated that we were lucky. When we came back, it turned out that the cashier checked the cheaper item twice.
Was it intentional on their end, or was it a simple mistake? In my entire life, I haven't had such mistakes happened to me (and if it did, it usually made price higher not lower) before being on DMSI. Likely coincidences, but welcome coincidences
Also, I had another similar incidence with a Chinese older man. This was when my mom, I and my cousin were going to a Chinese restaurant. The line was already forming up outside the restaurant. We went there and asked if it was the line waiting to get inside, and the answer was yes. Then, an old Chinese man sitting right next to the line (he wasn't in the line though) was saying something in Chinese, while directly looking at me. Since I didn't speak any Chinese, we didn't understand anything, but the guy kept saying something and waving us to move inside. Well, we did it anyway, and it turned out that the restaurant was opened, and we became the first customer.
My mom claims that the Chinese man was looking at us, or she was claiming that perhaps she looks like a Chinese that the guy wanted to help. However, I feel that the guy was directly looking at me while saying the stuff and waving at us to go inside, so I feel that it was probably me. Who knows, it could be that we were the only Asian in the line at the moment, so it could be that too.
2. Talking about relationship and sex with my cousin (sexually conservative cousin) and having very deep conversation
Let me first give a description of this cousin. She is just about my age, (8 months younger, but in my culture, she is still born a year later, so I am older, and put on the higher status) and she is a devout Christian. She feels pretty conservative on my standard, but she is especially very conservative on sex issues. (Pretty much all of my mother's side of family is like that) I accidentally have mentioned sexual stuff on a text I sent her a year ago, and it didn't turn out well at all. (It got her not wanting to text me at all, and it even went to a point that she told my aunt about it (because my aunt asked her to text me more and asked why she isn't doing it) and that it got into my mom's ear..........). Although that was the case, she became totally cool, and had no negative feelings when she came here for my graduation ceremony, and stayed that way ever since. Lastly, she is a feminist according to her, and her sister. I found this slightly interesting as she is very conservative and passive in terms of sex, which is not aligned with feminist ideal (liberation of female sexuality.) Though she is a feminist, I will probably say that she isn't hardcore SJW type of feminist, nor her feminist ideal isn't all that fierce. But who knows.
Since we stayed at my aunt's place, we had a few chance for talks, and I tried to avoid talking about sex or relationship related stuff. So for the first day or two we mostly talked about my paper and her career/start up plan.
On the third day, my mom, I and the cousin went to Manhattan. She was our guide as she went to school in Manhattan. One of the places we visited was the Central Park, and we had a chance to walk there for a bit. My cousin was telling us how she comes a few times to the park and jogs with her friend. She told us that she has friends who love to jog in the park, and she also joins them on an occasion. I then asked her, do all of them wear exercise outfit (which I am sucker of. I love women with great body wearing gym outfits. It looks great to me
) and she was like of course. I then told her "then, it would be provide a great sightseeing if they have great bodies." She laughed. Very subtle, but still a bit sexual talk, which I wonder if she would have taken well if it took a place in the past year or earlier.The next day, my mom's friends (she has a few of them in my aunt's area, but nearly zero in my area) and my mom were having a lunch. That left my cousin and I alone. Basically the plan was that she and I were going to hangout out there until my mom's done with her friends, and then we were going to pick her up. (My cousin was the only one who had car, and who was able to drive at the moment.)
My cousin and I went for lunch. Surprisingly, she was the one who first brought up the topic of dating. She asked me if I was interested in dating a girl. I told her that I am, but given the circumstances, I am practically given up at the moment. I also told her not only my situation is posing a challenge, but also my lack of knowing and understanding meeting the quality women I want and deserve. She told me that being alone must be hard and it would be great for me to have a girlfriend to emotionally and mentally depend on. I told her that those are great, but I would also like a girlfriend whom I can physically and spiritually bond with. I then told her that finding such a girl whom I can do all of those are hard. She agreed that meeting the right person was hard. She then mentioned something about online dating, which we chatted a bit. She then told me how she also has troubles meeting guys. I told her that it would be difficult in a way as she mostly goes out with a bunch of girls, and that it can be difficult for guys to approach. She then was like even when she's alone waiting for her friend, no guys approached her. I was surprised as she isn't a bad looking girl. She then told me that she anyway does not have much desire to date. This reminded me something I heard previously that millennials nowadays don't want a relationship, and they just masturbate at their offices. I then mentioned it, slightly toned down version (not mentioning it as masturbate, but mentioned it as having no desire to meet lovers), and mentioned how she is similar to these millennials.
The bill came and we left to grab desserts. However, the millennial thing remained still in my head. When we got back to the car, too much curiosity lingered in my head, and I just gave in, knowing that I could get into a trouble. I basically asked her, "I know that I shouldn't ask this, but my curiosity is too great that I'm just going to do it. How do you take care of things when you get lonely, considering that you are living with your parents, and also that your room is right next to your parents'." Surprisingly, she took it remarkably well, and replied that "you know, I don't have a libido. I just don't. I heard that people's needs are sum of three big needs/desires, (somnolence, appetite/gluttony, libido) for me somnolence is the biggest, and libido is nonexistent." I then asked if she's alright talking about these stuff (as it turned out pretty horribly in the past), and she told me that she's direct person that if it isn't good, she would have stopped me. My cousin then said to me that how girls talk about sex when they are together. She told me that some of her friends freely talk about using sex toys, and share experiences, but she told me that she has never used it nor has any desire for sex. I then told her that having zero libido can be a challenge for her future relationship as guys can think that that girls are cheating if they have zero libido. She asked me is it difficult to take care of my libido while my mom's visiting me (as she stays in my apt), and my answer to that was "no comment." She laughed hard and said "oh come on." I then replied, that "it can complicate things."
Then, something really surprising happened. She told me that how she has this "good girl complex" that when she was growing up she got to hear from her grandma and others that she's a good girl that she needs to concede to others and such. I told her that I never told her she's a good girl nor thinks she should be one, unless she wants to be. "I told her that it's okay for me for her to be... naughty for the lack of better words." She laughed very hard, and asked what I meant by naughty. I told her that I don't know, but, it was something like, she met a guy, had premarital sex, and had a baby type of thing, or just about anything else, as long as it didn't cross the boundary. She and I discussed what I meant as boundary, and she told me that it was feeling very supportive of me to say that I'd back her up even if she did something "naughty." The discussion of what counts as naughty continued, which led to what we thought as healthy sex and relationship, which then basically ended as my stating as it is very important to set the clear boundary with your lover/significant other/boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife what's acceptable and what's not, and that requires having lots of communication. I then told her, for whatever reason, if libido comes to her, and if she needs any help, I'd gladly help. Unfortunately, I think it pulled off not in the way I intended. The girl was slightly freaking out and told me "you're crazy", but seemed somewhat excited. Then she was like I suppose you can recommend me a few videos. I told her, let me know your preference. She soon then mentioned, well I better have a husband by that time, which I agreed that it would be for the better.
We then went to a bookstore to check a few books (some of which I might have a use for my capstone paper), and just a bit later my mom called, and we went to pick her up.
Did I totally fuck things up with her? Maybe maybe not. Hopefully I didn't, and if I did, it happened, so be it. I'm not too sure how things will fold out, but I think the conversation wasn't too bad.
Come to think of it, I think that the girl may be lying to me about her want/needs for relationship and sex. At the same time, I can believe what she told me. Right now though, as I write this, my feeling is that she wants a boyfriend/husband, and also that she has a fairly strong libido. However, she's denying it for whatever reason, perhaps the good girl complex. I feel that I was the same, but now I am different, and I am more accepting that side of me. Who knows, she may become like me. I just hope that she is 100% okay with who she is and enjoys all the needs and desires freely and without shame.
3. Being checked out by a girl
I don't think I have ever noticed a girl checking me out, and I might have noticed a girl checking me out first time.
A few days past the day of conversation with my cousin, she, my mom, and I went out to Manhattan again. (This was the same day as the Chinese restaurant) We were walking towards the One World Observatory, and got tuck at a crosswalk by the traffic light. I noticed a blonde girl with her boyfriend. I was wearing a Polaroid sunglasses, and the girl was also wearing one. I could see through her sunglasses that she was checking me out. Her eyes were moving up and down to check me out, and later locked to gaze my face, chest or arm. (She was looking at me sideways) She was looking at me for nearly 10 seconds or more. (She was looking at me pretty much for the entire time for the wait of the traffic light, which wasn't too long.)
Interestingly, she was doing that while she was holding her boyfriend's waist, while he was holding her shoulders.
Sadly, I don't know what to do given the situation, so I didn't do anything
Even if I did, I was definitely not in a situation that I could have done anything. In the end, I think that DMSI effect may still be on. At least, I can say that I have had improvements, especially in conversing. At the same time, I know my problems, and what I need to do. I need to get out more, and find avenues where I will meet (right) girls. This part has been especially difficult, and I don't know if I can do it anytime soon. I probably won't be able to really get myself to do it until I finish my capstone requirement.
Also, I notice that my desire to go back to listening to sub(s) has gotten larger. I am just having difficulty determining whether to go back to DMSI or listening to other manifestation sub.
