06-08-2017, 08:11 AM
Just realized I've been resisting again. Resistance is weird for me. Some guys get depressed or angry or other things. For me it's like I just become completely detached from everything. I stop feeling, it's like pulling back more and more until there's nothing left of me.
Anyway, no more pulling away. I'm just going to sit with the feelings that come up instead of running. I'm also not going to try to do anything because I realize now consciously trying to manage my emotions is what's been stunting my growth. I have to just observe and let the subconscious work without interfering with the process. That means allowing the darker thoughts and visuals that come to me at times. I used to get those a lot when I was younger and I was afraid it meant I was a terrible person and I tried to stop it, but I think I just made it worse. A lot of those thoughts and visions are probably an outlet for suppressed anger. I'm starting to see I have a legitimate fear of the deeper parts of my mind and that's why I've always been intervening with the sub. But I have to let go and start exploring those parts of me or I'll never grow.
Anyway, no more pulling away. I'm just going to sit with the feelings that come up instead of running. I'm also not going to try to do anything because I realize now consciously trying to manage my emotions is what's been stunting my growth. I have to just observe and let the subconscious work without interfering with the process. That means allowing the darker thoughts and visuals that come to me at times. I used to get those a lot when I was younger and I was afraid it meant I was a terrible person and I tried to stop it, but I think I just made it worse. A lot of those thoughts and visions are probably an outlet for suppressed anger. I'm starting to see I have a legitimate fear of the deeper parts of my mind and that's why I've always been intervening with the sub. But I have to let go and start exploring those parts of me or I'll never grow.
