05-29-2017, 06:53 AM
So last day of AM6 today, then taking some time off until I run DMSI. Overall I've just been thinking about fear more. And I'm kind of sick of how it limits me in subtle ways too. Like I was thinking about the music I listen to and how for years now I've been listening to the same stuff. It's not like I have anxiety about listening to new stuff. It's more like I favor the familiar and delude myself into believing that I don't like other stuff when I haven't even tried it. It's stupid shit like this that I hate. I just want to do stuff, try it out, fail, learn. I'm tired of this over analyzing, preparing, being overly cautious mentality. Also I don't want to turn into one of those "music was better in the past" people being too afraid of exploring new music. To put it bluntly, those people are obnoxious.
Even this post I took way too long to write and looked over several times to make sure I got it "right". I used to think it was just my personality and I couldn't change it, but I'm pretty damn sure it's just fear operating on a very subtle subconscious level. I think the first step to getting rid of it is to destroy the idea that "it's just who I am" and embrace a change. Oh the bitter irony though because I'm still stuck in that familiarity of sticking to what I know.
Even this post I took way too long to write and looked over several times to make sure I got it "right". I used to think it was just my personality and I couldn't change it, but I'm pretty damn sure it's just fear operating on a very subtle subconscious level. I think the first step to getting rid of it is to destroy the idea that "it's just who I am" and embrace a change. Oh the bitter irony though because I'm still stuck in that familiarity of sticking to what I know.
