DMSI 3.1 - The Journal

[Shawn]

Pretty frustrated right now. Was out tonight and felt really good, good confidence, comfort, I could own my space, felt relaxed - almost like home but still couldn't approach anyone. I don't get it, I mean it's not that hard to say something but I am unable to do so. Got strong IOI's from two girls, one of them was dancing in front of me with her mother I think and gave me most of the time good view on her ass. Even when she came back (I guess from bathroom) they continued dancing in front of me where they could do it anywhere on the dancefloor. Another one later was also dancing in front of me with ass toward me, after a while got armpits display and boobs display pretty much straight in front of my face. After I did nothing about it she moved to a different place. Had also an (older) woman taking seat by my side where most of seats were free. Bunch of opportunities. I don't know what's holding me back. It's not fear of rejection, that I am pretty sure about it, it seems to be something shame related, more like the fear to mess up and become shamed about it. But I am not completely sure. I really want (and need) to fix it as soon as possible but still don't know how. Anyway, time for bed.

Perhaps you're taking the interaction too far, mentally. You're taking too many steps at once. Instead of just dancing with her or saying "Hi," you're already back at her place or yours (in your head), and so you stop it before it starts.

Take it one step at a time. Just say, "Hi," or just start dancing. Then figure out what's next.

Well, I have been really thinking about it and about the last night but this is not what happens. I was not further with my thoughts than dancing and coming closer while dancing - which felt good! Like I said it has to be something shame related because while thinking about it a situation from my past came up where I was at school and wanted to answer the question the teacher has asked. But I misunderstood something and as I answered the whole class - including the teacher - started to laugh me out and I just stood there and my face became full red. So I always avoided speaking in class and every time I tried to then something similar happened. And something similar also happened on my AM6 run at stage 3. I was at a party with a guy I know and while he was chatting with someone he knows I checked my phone. Then two girls came up, took my hand and literally dragged me to the dancefloor and we started dancing. Then I asked their names and after I did they clearly wanted to separate and they also did. A moment later I saw them with a third girl laughing and looking in my direction. This is like a curse and in that situation I don't even know what went wrong because asking their names is not something bad imho.

So there is some insecurity and I feel sometimes like a computer who needs a clear 1 or 0 to progress. If I don't get something that clear - and it's never the case with girls - I get stuck. I just hope DMSI can make enough change to be able to progress regardless.

So you don't like to be laughed at, is that the gist?

Learn to laugh at yourself. We all make mistakes. Even if people laugh at you, if you show them you don't care by laughing with them, it shows them it doesn't bother you. Furthermore, you're teaching THEM that it's ok to make mistakes, have flaws, and dust off without issue.

You may also want to consider that when people laugh at you, they're not necessarily laughing and thinking, "Gawd, what a moron!" Maybe the girl in the situation you referred to thought you did something "cute," and it made her giggle.

You can turn these situations in your favor by not letting other people define them for you. For example, we recently traded in my sporty sedan for a new minivan. I always had a lot of shame surrounding that possibility (oddly, until DMSI). But it's been amazing, in its convenience, technology level, safety, etc. I love that thing. I went to meet with some people I hadn't seen in YEARS, and my brother told them all to give me grief for buying a minivan. I got there, and immediately got shit on for it. Instead of getting defensive, I laughed and said, "What!? I ***** LOVE my new Loser Cruiser! Wanna take it for a test drive!? " Shut them right down.

Yeah, that seems to be really an issue for me and everything which seems related is triggering it again and again. I hope DMSI get this handled in the same way as your shame about minivans.