Emotional today.
I got myself worked up about my in-laws again (1st time writing about it). This marks day 9 since my daughter was born, and not one member from my wife's family has met her yet.
Pure anger.
My wife asked me what's wrong, but I refused to tell her. It's selfish. I can't communicate to her how her family has made me feel. I can't tell her how I see their lack of interest being hurtful without making her cry. It's happened before. She doesn't need that on her plate right now, along with everything else.
This is 2 out of 3 major life events where they haven't been there for us. Our wedding was the first, now our daughter's birth.
Oh, they have their excuses. Some people would say they're justified, but not me. I'm there, hell-or-highwater, for the people I love. I don't make excuses. I would think you'd run headlong to meet your granddaughter or your niece. I fundamentally don't get it. I don't understand.
I left for the gym with my son in tow. I got there and just sat in the parking lot, steaming... fuming. I asked myself what right did I have to be mad for my wife? She acts like she's bot hurting, but she has to be, right? Then it hit me. *I* was hurt. I kept telling myself I was mad for my wife's sake, pushing away the fact that I care what these people think, too. With that realization, I just sat there and cried.
Thank goodness for my son. "What's wrong, Daddy!? Are you sad? Do you need hug!?" That cheered me up. I guess I'm learning that while I can't control others, or even always understand them, that I can make better choices for myself and the people I love. I will always be there for my family - even if they're not there for me. My son and daughter are never going to feel like I don't care or that they're not my number one priority. They'll always know I care. I won't leave them guessing.
EDIT:
Upon further contemplation, feeling this way seems connected to feeling like #2 or #3 in priority in my own family growing up - never feeling like #1. That further directly ties with never being the star athlete, the winner, the smartest, popular, and constantly feeling like a second-class citizen. I feel a lot better realizing this. It's not like these people are *my* #1's. My wife and kids are. As long as they got my back, and I got theirs, it's all good.
I got myself worked up about my in-laws again (1st time writing about it). This marks day 9 since my daughter was born, and not one member from my wife's family has met her yet.
Pure anger.
My wife asked me what's wrong, but I refused to tell her. It's selfish. I can't communicate to her how her family has made me feel. I can't tell her how I see their lack of interest being hurtful without making her cry. It's happened before. She doesn't need that on her plate right now, along with everything else.
This is 2 out of 3 major life events where they haven't been there for us. Our wedding was the first, now our daughter's birth.
Oh, they have their excuses. Some people would say they're justified, but not me. I'm there, hell-or-highwater, for the people I love. I don't make excuses. I would think you'd run headlong to meet your granddaughter or your niece. I fundamentally don't get it. I don't understand.
I left for the gym with my son in tow. I got there and just sat in the parking lot, steaming... fuming. I asked myself what right did I have to be mad for my wife? She acts like she's bot hurting, but she has to be, right? Then it hit me. *I* was hurt. I kept telling myself I was mad for my wife's sake, pushing away the fact that I care what these people think, too. With that realization, I just sat there and cried.
Thank goodness for my son. "What's wrong, Daddy!? Are you sad? Do you need hug!?" That cheered me up. I guess I'm learning that while I can't control others, or even always understand them, that I can make better choices for myself and the people I love. I will always be there for my family - even if they're not there for me. My son and daughter are never going to feel like I don't care or that they're not my number one priority. They'll always know I care. I won't leave them guessing.
EDIT:
Upon further contemplation, feeling this way seems connected to feeling like #2 or #3 in priority in my own family growing up - never feeling like #1. That further directly ties with never being the star athlete, the winner, the smartest, popular, and constantly feeling like a second-class citizen. I feel a lot better realizing this. It's not like these people are *my* #1's. My wife and kids are. As long as they got my back, and I got theirs, it's all good.
