Spiral's Sex Magnet 2011 journal

[Shannon]

Things have gotten depressing latley as I refer to my past posts in my journal.

I feel lost. When it come to woman and my life.

However, somewhere deep inside I feel peace. It's probably because of feeling unattached to most everything at this point. I'm still very much protecting my ego but last night after a period of self limiting thinking I watched half of Burt Harding's newest video and it really ***** opened my mind. It feels like his philosophy is to not worry about taking action but trust that you will do what is right if you just let go and relax into everything. Feel what you want to feel in this moment. For me every moment it would be peace because then It would lead to happiness. I feel like I always should be doing something. It's like I wasn't ok with not doing something before. I've been on Sex Magnet for 5 months now and I feel like I should have made change at this point. In my physical reality. I havn't but there has been mental change. What I have learned that I need to change is how I receive things. As I type this it seems so weird.. but I need to allow everything. I'm probably being redundant now because I've told myself this and posted this kind of stuff before. I guess I keep thinking that it's not enough to trust myself and open to everything else. It's like I still want to make things complicated for myself.

After Sex magnet... I figure I'll run disconnect from negativity and either socializing is just a fun game or end self sabatoge.

Spiral, "inner change" IS "outer change". Think about it. Do you build a skyscraper (outer change) and then draw up the plans (change in thinking)? Do you write a book (outer change), and then come up with the plot (change in thinking)? Do you get home from grocery shopping (outer change) and then decide to go (change in thinking)? No. Change always takes place internally, and then your outer reality changes to match it.

I know that not everyone will see outer change follow inner change at the same speed, also, because everyone works at a different "speed" so to speak. The only other possibility is that you're resisting the program, which would be based on fear of what it's attempting to do at some level.