DMSI 3.1 Call me Thomas Jonathan Jackson

[chaosvrgn]

I am pleased with the internal changes for myself too. It's why I started running DMSI in the first place. I wanted to get out of my own head, stop using fantasy/porn/non-nudes for gratification, stop feeling needy around women etc. And some of that has changed, hopefully permanently.

It's slightly crazy how insecure I sometimes feel socially, especially at work. I'm decent looking, affable, confident, I run classes without any worries, I manage people and help with life coaching and personal training on a daily basis; I have no reason to feel insecure. It's still related to childhood though - never quite being one of the popular kids and feeling like a lesser person because of it.

I think that is the root of my need to feel special with women. It's not about sexual conquest for me, it's about being important to them and significant in their lives. Somehow that has become confusingly conflated with sexual stuff. I'm not 100% sure what kind of validation I am seeking there.

I hear you on the first part. I'm an amazing guy, I KNOW I am...but yet, I still feel nervous around T and others, like they're vastly above me in value, when it's SHE/THEM who should feel nervous around ME, if anything! It's totally backwards! It's my screwed up, horrifying experiences when young that screwed my mind up, too. And remember, you may be feeling randomly insecure because the sub is touching on something and there's that resistance push back. So that feeling of awkwardness, or back and forth, may be this phenomenon going on, before a full change over can occur. And/or that thing mentioned about the mind refusing to see progress, to make sure it stays in it's homeostatis, which will be addressed in V3.2.

And the quoted part above in the end...is likely the reason I'm running this too. Amazing post, that we are similar in this regard as well, wow! I've never had power or choice with women, quite the opposite in fact. I just want power and choice with women I never had any with. The whole sex thing is beside the point for me I think I don't really think about it. And it doesn't seem to be nearly as big a focus to me, or seems too distant to focus on, I don't know. I just want to no longer feel they are beyond my reach and in a position of having no power or choice in my dealings with them. It's a bit tough to describe for me too, a bit confusing even. I do also struggle with WHY I'm actually running it, and have come to the possible conclusion I'm running it simply to have power and choice finally in my life with women, not really to "bang 100 hot chicks" or whatever. Much deeper than that.

This is why I'm running it. And the skeleton script is helping me greatly.