05-11-2017, 10:59 AM
Driving around the other day I had some stuff that was on my mind. So I'm just gonna dump it all here.
I sort of follow the teachings of the law of attraction. But I've realized a lot of the books I read were written with control in mind. A very human thing, to want to control everything. Anyway I was driving around in a really dense area and as usual people were driving like assholes. I was just really irritated. Then I thought of the law of attraction and I thought if I focused on shitty drivers I'd just get more shitty drivers in my life. But that completely misses the point that some things are just the way they are. Which made me realize why I've been resisting a lot of the alpha programming. I want to believe in my heart that most people are good natured and compassionate, caring for others. I always give people the benefit of the doubt. Which makes me a target a lot of the time for manipulators. I'd rather live in some delusional world than face the harsh truths of the world to be honest. But I think AM6 has been challenging that delusion a lot and trying to get me to see that the world can be rough and I have to be strong enough to survive in it.
But it deeply saddens me. I have this inner vision of what the world could be and external reality rarely lives up to it. Refusing to accept the reality of things is what's been causing me problems. Holding this inner idealized version of the world, not being able to live in it, and then blaming myself for not thinking right or doing whatever else is what has caused me so much pain. In a way I hold all the burdens of how people act and behave on my shoulders it feels like. Like I'm supposed to do something to change it or figure out why they do the things they do and help them be a better person.
I sort of follow the teachings of the law of attraction. But I've realized a lot of the books I read were written with control in mind. A very human thing, to want to control everything. Anyway I was driving around in a really dense area and as usual people were driving like assholes. I was just really irritated. Then I thought of the law of attraction and I thought if I focused on shitty drivers I'd just get more shitty drivers in my life. But that completely misses the point that some things are just the way they are. Which made me realize why I've been resisting a lot of the alpha programming. I want to believe in my heart that most people are good natured and compassionate, caring for others. I always give people the benefit of the doubt. Which makes me a target a lot of the time for manipulators. I'd rather live in some delusional world than face the harsh truths of the world to be honest. But I think AM6 has been challenging that delusion a lot and trying to get me to see that the world can be rough and I have to be strong enough to survive in it.
But it deeply saddens me. I have this inner vision of what the world could be and external reality rarely lives up to it. Refusing to accept the reality of things is what's been causing me problems. Holding this inner idealized version of the world, not being able to live in it, and then blaming myself for not thinking right or doing whatever else is what has caused me so much pain. In a way I hold all the burdens of how people act and behave on my shoulders it feels like. Like I'm supposed to do something to change it or figure out why they do the things they do and help them be a better person.
