04-22-2017, 10:06 PM
Quote:So, where is all this going? There is a face I wear, and then there is the deepest, truest, most honest "me." No one knows "me," but "me." I've never found a person like me who'd I'd trust with "me." No one who'd understand, no one who'd "get it." This leaves me feeling very alone at times. I'd prefer to hide this "me" and not deal with the fallout and/or judgement of "trying to get people to understand."
This hits really close to home. I deal with the same exact thing. For what it's worth I've come to the conclusion that this is really just a deep fear of rejection for me. It's funny because I can have a IDGAF attitude with shallow interaction, but as soon as something gets intimate or personal that charade dies out and the true fears come to the surface. But what I really want to say, and you probably already know this, is that when you continually hide that deeper part of yourself you create self imposed isolation. It seems safer, more convenient, but in the long term you're denying a part of yourself and ruining your chances of one day finding a person who gets you. And I think the most messed up part is the people who would get you are putting on a face as well. Day to day it's impossible to detect who's being their genuine self vs performing.
Also from what you wrote it sounds like you're a sensitive person. And I don't mean that in the typical crying or soft way. I mean that your body feels things on a deeper level, your depth of emotion is greater than others. It's only natural that you'd heavily guard your inner self because most people have no consideration for the feelings of others.
