04-17-2017, 09:10 PM
listened to my second set of loops today. i can't say i noticed anything significant externally to report aside from euphoria tags indicating script acceptance. the euphoria tags from MHS 5.5G are similar to the euphoria tags in dmsi 3.0.1. it's not like the euphoria tags from 3.1.
i was exhausted when i got off work, but after watching an episode of full metal alchemist, i somehow got all the energy i needed to get off my bum and do some personal inventory work. i identified resentments, fears, and sexual (mis)conduct over the past two years, and much to my surprise, i discovered nuggets of information about myself that would be a gold mine for 3.1a. nuggets such as recognizing a pattern that whenever a girl shows attraction and interest, i respond negatively and harshly to the girl and potentially cause her emotional harm. the pattern is linked to my fear of being judged and a fear of commitment. these fears tend to manifest themselves as nonharmonious discourse with women who show attraction. talk about self sabotage!
i also discovered that i use those same women to help validate myself which feeds an unhealthy ego boost. i get a sort of kick out of having women attracted to me, and then i treat them as inferiors to somehow bolster my own importance in my mind. it's gross, really. and the way i do this is so subtle that it took sitting down and consciously analyzing my own misgivings to be able to even SEE it.
tomorrow's the fun part >_> telling my sponsor every last bit of what I've written down.
as far as MHS is concerned, i think there's something going on internally with my internal dialogue. I was in the middle of typing something out, until I realized how unhealthy what I was typing sounded. I linked that thought as conducive to illness. From what I know of the principle of correspondence, these thoughts need to go bye bye because i don't want to be manifesting illness on the physical plane due to my unhealthy thoughts in the mental and emotional plane.
I also have something called restless legs syndrome, and I'm hoping MHS can take care of that. we'll see. but i'm definitely looking forward to better sleep quality ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
i was exhausted when i got off work, but after watching an episode of full metal alchemist, i somehow got all the energy i needed to get off my bum and do some personal inventory work. i identified resentments, fears, and sexual (mis)conduct over the past two years, and much to my surprise, i discovered nuggets of information about myself that would be a gold mine for 3.1a. nuggets such as recognizing a pattern that whenever a girl shows attraction and interest, i respond negatively and harshly to the girl and potentially cause her emotional harm. the pattern is linked to my fear of being judged and a fear of commitment. these fears tend to manifest themselves as nonharmonious discourse with women who show attraction. talk about self sabotage!
i also discovered that i use those same women to help validate myself which feeds an unhealthy ego boost. i get a sort of kick out of having women attracted to me, and then i treat them as inferiors to somehow bolster my own importance in my mind. it's gross, really. and the way i do this is so subtle that it took sitting down and consciously analyzing my own misgivings to be able to even SEE it.
tomorrow's the fun part >_> telling my sponsor every last bit of what I've written down.
as far as MHS is concerned, i think there's something going on internally with my internal dialogue. I was in the middle of typing something out, until I realized how unhealthy what I was typing sounded. I linked that thought as conducive to illness. From what I know of the principle of correspondence, these thoughts need to go bye bye because i don't want to be manifesting illness on the physical plane due to my unhealthy thoughts in the mental and emotional plane.
I also have something called restless legs syndrome, and I'm hoping MHS can take care of that. we'll see. but i'm definitely looking forward to better sleep quality ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
