Woke up at 8am this morning. Couldn't get out of bed until 10:30. I felt paralyzed. Not physically, mentally. It's like all the crap I've been putting up with for weeks now has finally reached it's threshold and I couldn't ignore it anymore. I've been trying to relax and calm my anxiety for weeks now, but now I see I have to go through my issues to reach that calm. I can't just take some shortcut. Nothing out there is every going to change what's in my own head. So even if I got a better job, I'd still be operating under the same self defeating beliefs that hold me back from every aspect of my life.
I guess as far as progress goes at least now I recognize that a lot of my feelings of hopelessness are a product of my own mind and not reflective of how life really is. I just need to target my mind towards success and happiness. These past few weeks have really shown me how self destructive I can be and how going up against that is an enormous battle that kills my energy. The smart thing to do is tackle it at the root instead of trying to fight off all the unwanted behavior and getting nowhere. Despite feeling tremendously crappy right now, I'm able to understand that it's temporary and it will pass and I'll come out the other side a little better.
Which reminds me. Apparently I was a 100 dollars short at my job the other day. Maybe my subconscious attempting to screw things up so I get fired and escape that job.
I guess as far as progress goes at least now I recognize that a lot of my feelings of hopelessness are a product of my own mind and not reflective of how life really is. I just need to target my mind towards success and happiness. These past few weeks have really shown me how self destructive I can be and how going up against that is an enormous battle that kills my energy. The smart thing to do is tackle it at the root instead of trying to fight off all the unwanted behavior and getting nowhere. Despite feeling tremendously crappy right now, I'm able to understand that it's temporary and it will pass and I'll come out the other side a little better.
Which reminds me. Apparently I was a 100 dollars short at my job the other day. Maybe my subconscious attempting to screw things up so I get fired and escape that job.
