04-12-2017, 09:32 AM
I listened to one loop last night.
The dynamic between myself and L has become interesting. I went over to drop something off at her house since i was on her side of town... and since she lives an hour away from me, she asked me to stay the night. We've already discussed that getting intimate would be damaging to our friendship, and we're both on the same page consciously. So, we slept next to each other, and didn't have sex. Cool. Weirdly enough, the attraction between us was stronger and more profound than it ever had been, but in a pure 100% blissed out love kind of way. It wasn't sexual attraction, rather a deep soul level attraction. We ended up cuddling, kissed each other on the cheek/head.. but that was the furthest it went, and we both consciously held back. I'm actually 100% okay with this dynamic, believe it or not.
Am I open for it to change? Yes, for sure. But am I going to try to control the situation to make it so? No, not at all.
In fact, I jumped back into the 12 steps yesterday, before going to L's house, and where I'm at now is to really understand that whenever I step back and let life unfold the way it is meant to, things get so much easier. The process of steps 4 through 11 is to remove that which is holding me back from achieving my true potential. I liken the steps 4-11 to clearing/garbage removal in subs, because that is truly what it is. Doing a proper step 3 has allowed me to be in a state of mind that if I let go of trying to control the outcome of what happens in my life, I've effectively moved out of the way for the sub to do its job. This state of being led to that full blissed out love experience, which is the euphoria tags kicking on indicating 100% script acceptance. NICE. So I found that doing the 12 steps again is a conscious way to remove any subC resistance as well as engaging the conscious to get out of the way and allow the sub to integrate its instructions.
The dynamic between myself and L has become interesting. I went over to drop something off at her house since i was on her side of town... and since she lives an hour away from me, she asked me to stay the night. We've already discussed that getting intimate would be damaging to our friendship, and we're both on the same page consciously. So, we slept next to each other, and didn't have sex. Cool. Weirdly enough, the attraction between us was stronger and more profound than it ever had been, but in a pure 100% blissed out love kind of way. It wasn't sexual attraction, rather a deep soul level attraction. We ended up cuddling, kissed each other on the cheek/head.. but that was the furthest it went, and we both consciously held back. I'm actually 100% okay with this dynamic, believe it or not.
Am I open for it to change? Yes, for sure. But am I going to try to control the situation to make it so? No, not at all.
In fact, I jumped back into the 12 steps yesterday, before going to L's house, and where I'm at now is to really understand that whenever I step back and let life unfold the way it is meant to, things get so much easier. The process of steps 4 through 11 is to remove that which is holding me back from achieving my true potential. I liken the steps 4-11 to clearing/garbage removal in subs, because that is truly what it is. Doing a proper step 3 has allowed me to be in a state of mind that if I let go of trying to control the outcome of what happens in my life, I've effectively moved out of the way for the sub to do its job. This state of being led to that full blissed out love experience, which is the euphoria tags kicking on indicating 100% script acceptance. NICE. So I found that doing the 12 steps again is a conscious way to remove any subC resistance as well as engaging the conscious to get out of the way and allow the sub to integrate its instructions.
