04-10-2017, 11:41 PM
Day 5: My last relationship keeps controlling part of my toughts. I literaly woke up this morning thinking of her and with a mad sensation of "how you could be so stupid" in these past 2 days. The feeling is like a insationable rage towards yourself.
I fucked it up, badly. I was a train wreck just 1 month ago; having toughts of just ending this all sharade once and for all but I was too pussy to do it.
Sub is working ? No clue, but the rage din't come from nowhere; maybe my mind is working digging up from my pussy BETA self, I realy don't know. But for sure, I wanna give myself a parental slap more than anything else.
Now, what I can tell for sure is this:
My mother, which is the main devil in my behavior (single mom, controlling, man pigs & stupid and all that bullshit, she managed to raise the perfect BETA with all her good intentions) she is (well, was) the BIGGEST TRIGGER in my life.
Guess how calm was I today when she screamed at me ? Guess how cool my response was, blood froze in my veins; in the past I would have flipped the freakin table.
This isn't the first day in the past month when I am able to keep my cool, I am surprised of ... >me<
What helped me, well....AM 6 first stage (pirated, eh...) and maybe these few days of DMSI 3.1.
DMSI, do what you have to do; I am a fine jewel left in the dust.
I fucked it up, badly. I was a train wreck just 1 month ago; having toughts of just ending this all sharade once and for all but I was too pussy to do it.
Sub is working ? No clue, but the rage din't come from nowhere; maybe my mind is working digging up from my pussy BETA self, I realy don't know. But for sure, I wanna give myself a parental slap more than anything else.
Now, what I can tell for sure is this:
My mother, which is the main devil in my behavior (single mom, controlling, man pigs & stupid and all that bullshit, she managed to raise the perfect BETA with all her good intentions) she is (well, was) the BIGGEST TRIGGER in my life.
Guess how calm was I today when she screamed at me ? Guess how cool my response was, blood froze in my veins; in the past I would have flipped the freakin table.
This isn't the first day in the past month when I am able to keep my cool, I am surprised of ... >me<
What helped me, well....AM 6 first stage (pirated, eh...) and maybe these few days of DMSI 3.1.
DMSI, do what you have to do; I am a fine jewel left in the dust.
