04-10-2017, 04:29 PM
This have definitely smoothed out in these later stages. I had my doubts, but it's a lot better now. In general I just feel more able to be myself, regardless of how I appear. Feels more freeing, like I don't have to try so hard to get by.
I'm still running E2 after I'm done. Something I'm really starting to see is how I'll self sabotage if people are nice to me or I'm given opportunities that I don't deem myself worthy of. I know for some people they'll lash out or be negative and push others away. I'm more like I'll slowly withdraw until the person gives up on me.
To be honest at this point being alpha is less and less important to me. Mostly because all I really desire is to stop caring what others think. During some of the stages of this program I'd find myself thinking what I was doing was alpha behavior but it was really just me putting up more walls and creating a favorable image of myself. If I could fully embody that I'd probably be happy. That and to just think better of myself naturally and to stop putting myself down.
I know AM6 was supposed to take care a lot of this, but it kind of feels like a direct approach would give me more success and then come back to AM6 again. Obviously I'm going to see this thing out to the end and there's no doubt I've grown. But I've grown in such a way it's showed me there's still a lot of more growing to do, especially with regards to self acceptance and self worth.
I think there was a lot of self hatred for who I am. I've always been more on the quiet and sensitive side. Not exactly fitting the stereotypical male image and part of me started AM6 to see if maybe I could outgrow that and just be this badass alpha guy. But the more I focused on that goal to distance myself from my core self, the worse I felt. The strongest shift I felt is when I stopped denying my core self and just worked to improve on aspects instead of trying to outright replace it.
I'm still running E2 after I'm done. Something I'm really starting to see is how I'll self sabotage if people are nice to me or I'm given opportunities that I don't deem myself worthy of. I know for some people they'll lash out or be negative and push others away. I'm more like I'll slowly withdraw until the person gives up on me.
To be honest at this point being alpha is less and less important to me. Mostly because all I really desire is to stop caring what others think. During some of the stages of this program I'd find myself thinking what I was doing was alpha behavior but it was really just me putting up more walls and creating a favorable image of myself. If I could fully embody that I'd probably be happy. That and to just think better of myself naturally and to stop putting myself down.
I know AM6 was supposed to take care a lot of this, but it kind of feels like a direct approach would give me more success and then come back to AM6 again. Obviously I'm going to see this thing out to the end and there's no doubt I've grown. But I've grown in such a way it's showed me there's still a lot of more growing to do, especially with regards to self acceptance and self worth.
I think there was a lot of self hatred for who I am. I've always been more on the quiet and sensitive side. Not exactly fitting the stereotypical male image and part of me started AM6 to see if maybe I could outgrow that and just be this badass alpha guy. But the more I focused on that goal to distance myself from my core self, the worse I felt. The strongest shift I felt is when I stopped denying my core self and just worked to improve on aspects instead of trying to outright replace it.
