04-09-2017, 10:35 AM
Since the last time I've updated, FYI. I am still on 3.1A. I had several interactions with the second in command at work. I was showing her something on my computer screen and she proceeded to step on my foot when she came closer (she apologized). In the 3 to 5 minutes that we talked, she twice touched me on my shoulder and arm. She also complimented me on my writing. Apart from the kino, nothing that would indicate sexual interest.
One day last week, I was heading for the mall entrance doors and at the same time from the opposite direction a woman was doing the same. She was in her mid to late 30's and really cute. We locked eyes but opened separate doors. We both looked at each other and felt my heart racing but we kept walking side by side. I peeked at her again and she's staring at me with a really large grin. I shyly managed to say "Hi" which she promptly returned. I was smitten by her beauty and could barely speak. There was definitely something there.
I am realizing that I still have some healing to do. Yesterday, was walking at the mall behind a woman and caught her checking me out through the glass reflection.
Last Tuesday, was at the gym and must have caught at least 4 or 5 women checking me out. Caught a few of them red handed using the mirrors to do so. Near the end, the cute receptionist was talking to someone using the treadmill. I went to get a drink at the fountain and as I'm coming back to the machine that I was using, I see that she's still talking to him but looking at me. She did not even looked away as I smiled at her, instead she waved back to acknowledge.
I was early to pick up my son from school this Friday. I sat on a bench and Ms. B. the principal comes out of her office. She had a really tight pair of pants which perfectly molded her figure. Yes, she still looks good even though she's probably in her late 40's to early 50's. She walks by and gives me a "window washing" hand greeting and walks down the hallway. I could see her butt swaying from side to side as she eventually left my field of view.
Yesterday, I was giving the respite worker (university student) a ride back after watching over my son for a couple of hours. We got into the car and immediately she went into a state of arousal. She went red as beet and was playing with her long hair which she occasionally brought to her lips. This time she did not flap open her legs. I usually drop her to the University on my way to the grocery store. When she learned about my plans, she requested that I drop her at the grocery store as it is closer to her home. I offered her to drive her home instead, which she accepted. She was wearing black leggings and as she was heading out of the car, I noticed a small wet spot on her backside.
I've been experimenting with the number of loops and for the last week I've been doing 3 loops instead of 2. I want to get whatever healing that I need out of the way quicker and move to full execution mode. I've been slightly more tired as a result but otherwise, I am able to cope with the increased input. For the last few days, I have this depressing feeling in the background that I'm unable to shake off. I know I could probably go through this if I could have an emotional release, but I am so emotionally numb that I am unable to bring myself to cry.
One day last week, I was heading for the mall entrance doors and at the same time from the opposite direction a woman was doing the same. She was in her mid to late 30's and really cute. We locked eyes but opened separate doors. We both looked at each other and felt my heart racing but we kept walking side by side. I peeked at her again and she's staring at me with a really large grin. I shyly managed to say "Hi" which she promptly returned. I was smitten by her beauty and could barely speak. There was definitely something there.
I am realizing that I still have some healing to do. Yesterday, was walking at the mall behind a woman and caught her checking me out through the glass reflection.
Last Tuesday, was at the gym and must have caught at least 4 or 5 women checking me out. Caught a few of them red handed using the mirrors to do so. Near the end, the cute receptionist was talking to someone using the treadmill. I went to get a drink at the fountain and as I'm coming back to the machine that I was using, I see that she's still talking to him but looking at me. She did not even looked away as I smiled at her, instead she waved back to acknowledge.
I was early to pick up my son from school this Friday. I sat on a bench and Ms. B. the principal comes out of her office. She had a really tight pair of pants which perfectly molded her figure. Yes, she still looks good even though she's probably in her late 40's to early 50's. She walks by and gives me a "window washing" hand greeting and walks down the hallway. I could see her butt swaying from side to side as she eventually left my field of view.
Yesterday, I was giving the respite worker (university student) a ride back after watching over my son for a couple of hours. We got into the car and immediately she went into a state of arousal. She went red as beet and was playing with her long hair which she occasionally brought to her lips. This time she did not flap open her legs. I usually drop her to the University on my way to the grocery store. When she learned about my plans, she requested that I drop her at the grocery store as it is closer to her home. I offered her to drive her home instead, which she accepted. She was wearing black leggings and as she was heading out of the car, I noticed a small wet spot on her backside.
I've been experimenting with the number of loops and for the last week I've been doing 3 loops instead of 2. I want to get whatever healing that I need out of the way quicker and move to full execution mode. I've been slightly more tired as a result but otherwise, I am able to cope with the increased input. For the last few days, I have this depressing feeling in the background that I'm unable to shake off. I know I could probably go through this if I could have an emotional release, but I am so emotionally numb that I am unable to bring myself to cry.
INTJ
