04-06-2017, 07:32 AM
Pretty sure I'm trying to actively sabotage myself, but I'm not sure. I ran 6 loops of 3.1-A overnight, hybrid .FLAC cozy/sleep phones, 7/15 clicks.
I actually woke feeling really good. Slightly stimulated. Had nocwood when I woke up - something that's been absent for the past week or so.
I went to the gym, saw my lifting buddy. First thing he says is, "Sorry, man! I didn't see you here, or I would have said something, really sorry!"
I also saw my wife's hot coworker, and fitness model. I caught fitness model checking me out more than once, which is rare. She even hovered around me for a bit - either hoping I'd speak with her, or trying to convince herself to speak with me.
Concerning hot coworker, this is where I figured out I either overdid it and sabotaged myself or I'm nowhere near finished healing. I started breathing rapidly, my whole body started feeling over-stimulated - numbish even - and I went into straight fear. I couldn't look her in the eye, I couldn't say "Hi," - nothing. I actively avoided her. I even left the gym early. I don't know, she has lots of friends and she's used to people fawning over her. Maybe the sub directed me to ignore her, and the "nice guy," part of me felt bad for ignoring her. I don't know. But I know I felt odd, fearful, and I had to GTFO!
I actually woke feeling really good. Slightly stimulated. Had nocwood when I woke up - something that's been absent for the past week or so.
I went to the gym, saw my lifting buddy. First thing he says is, "Sorry, man! I didn't see you here, or I would have said something, really sorry!"
I also saw my wife's hot coworker, and fitness model. I caught fitness model checking me out more than once, which is rare. She even hovered around me for a bit - either hoping I'd speak with her, or trying to convince herself to speak with me.
Concerning hot coworker, this is where I figured out I either overdid it and sabotaged myself or I'm nowhere near finished healing. I started breathing rapidly, my whole body started feeling over-stimulated - numbish even - and I went into straight fear. I couldn't look her in the eye, I couldn't say "Hi," - nothing. I actively avoided her. I even left the gym early. I don't know, she has lots of friends and she's used to people fawning over her. Maybe the sub directed me to ignore her, and the "nice guy," part of me felt bad for ignoring her. I don't know. But I know I felt odd, fearful, and I had to GTFO!
