(03-25-2017, 09:23 AM)Shannon Wrote: Fascinating indeed to observe your journey, RT.
This should add to it.
I didn't know if I'd post this, because frankly, I feel guilt, shame, and sadness regarding it. I said in an earlier post my crushy feeling for my SIL were gone. Guess not. Fuck.
BIL came along to the movie, I didn't know if he was back in town (he has a new job a few hours away). Guess so.
We walked down the hallway to the theater, and along the way, we walked past some movie posters. My SIL says, "Ooooh! I wanna see that, but I'm not sure I could go by myself!" She points to the "Get Out," poster. I say, "Oh, it's really good! I just saw it by myself this last Tuesday. You know I love movies like that, you should have told me, we could have gone together." She again says, "Yeah, I thought about going this Tuesday, but I don't know if I can go see it alone." I didn't say I'd see it again with her. My wife won't go to "scary" movies, and apparently my BIL doesn't have any interest, so having that in common with her is cool for me.
We get in the theater, and I'm interested to see how sitting next to my SIL for 2 hours would affect her. I figured SDS would kick in, and perhaps the original sniper as well. I got excited about it, because my wife needed the aisle seat in case she had to go to the bathroom 4 times during the movie. These pregnant women need to pee all the time. I take the seat next to my wife, and then my SIL purposely chooses to sit away from me, sitting my BIL next to me. Ok. Whatever, M. I (perhaps arrogantly) felt like she was sending a message to my BIL. Whenever we go out to eat, she usually chooses to sit near me/next to me at restaurants. Maybe he's had talks with her about some insecurities he has about us, I don't know. Perhaps it's all in my head.
During the movie, I tried just paying attention to it, but my mind would wander to both my wife and SIL. At one point, the baby was kicking and moving, so my wife put my hands on her belly. She also laid her arm on me at a few different times, and even caressed my hand at another (which was nice, after what happened this past week between us). I also noticed my in-laws holding hands near the end of the movie, and felt a flash of anger (and then guilt about feeling anger about it).
Movie gets over, we all have to use the restroom. SIL says, "I gotta pee!" and gets to the women's restroom first. I had to go since the first half of the movie, but held it, so I was at the urinal forever (I am AWESOME at holding my bladder during movies - think my record was peeing for 2 minutes straight after watching Titanic back in '97, lol). Washed my hands, get out, and...still no SIL. We (my wife, BIL, and I) talk for a good two minutes before she comes out. WTF was she doing? There wasn't a line or anything...
Since none of us had seen each other for awhile, we stood around talking and catching up. If I could have taken a few photos of her body language, it was pretty astounding. Spaghetti-leg stance, both feet aimed at me. Playing with hair. Prolonged eye contact. Fingertips of her hand on her chin as she talked, so her wrist was exposed directly to me for at least 5 minutes. Playing with and caressing her lips repeatedly. Plain ridiculous.
Then, it was time to go, and I found myself feeling a sense of loss. Sadness. Upset we weren't all spending more time together. Why didn't we make dinner plans!? Fuck. I was hoping all that shit was gone. Guess not. I feel pretty dumb for obviously having feelings for someone there's no point in having feelings for.
So, sniper is definitely working fine for me. +1 for that. Healing still clearly needed, so dammit for that.
EDIT: Forgot to add that my hands and feet started buzzing with energy near the end of the movie, and continued through talking to SIL/BIL afterward. They were buzzing hard.
Also was extremely witty, throwing commentary left & right that had everybody laughing - haven't felt that on point in a long while.
