03-25-2017, 09:34 AM
Day 23
Past couple of days had been... strange. Maybe it's due to the resistance but I feel somehow distant. It's hard to explain.
Recently I said I became fearful again and while it's still true this fear turns slowly into anger. And I do want that to happen. While in fear I am useless, paralyzed. But anger, that is something I can work with. Anger can give me strength to better myself, to fight, to go on. In the past I would wait for sadness and fear to naturally go away. No I want to turn them into fuel. Of course I'd rather be free of both fear and anger but I don't think I can do that.
One thing I was noticing for a while now and I confirmed it yesterday while I went out is that I find wider range of females attractive. I don't think I'm lowering my standards, I'm simply starting to get more open sexually. I think this is the reason why I find more beautiful women in my life - they've been there the entire time, I was just not noticing them.
Past couple of days had been... strange. Maybe it's due to the resistance but I feel somehow distant. It's hard to explain.
Recently I said I became fearful again and while it's still true this fear turns slowly into anger. And I do want that to happen. While in fear I am useless, paralyzed. But anger, that is something I can work with. Anger can give me strength to better myself, to fight, to go on. In the past I would wait for sadness and fear to naturally go away. No I want to turn them into fuel. Of course I'd rather be free of both fear and anger but I don't think I can do that.
One thing I was noticing for a while now and I confirmed it yesterday while I went out is that I find wider range of females attractive. I don't think I'm lowering my standards, I'm simply starting to get more open sexually. I think this is the reason why I find more beautiful women in my life - they've been there the entire time, I was just not noticing them.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
