Mystic Pymp on DMSI 2.4→2.5→3.0.1A→3.1A/B→3.2A/B→3.3D→3.3.1D

[Mystic Pymp]

Day 21

It's been a rough day. A lot of anxiety and tiredness. I can feel resistance flowing through me and sucking all my strength and I think I know why. On my way to the Uni today I passed some pretty girl who smiled at me and looked at me very kindly. Not much for an IoI but it brought me a lot of guild and shame. I feel like whatever I'll do and whomever I'll meet things will always go to crap.

Part of me thinks that if I jumped right in with DMSI and got chicks left and right this would go away. Simply with experience and ridding myself of scarcity mindset I would grow to be healthy mentally and fulfilled man. But part of me thinks I simply demand too much and every relationship I'll end up in will end in tragedy and heartbreak. It's stupid and wrong like of thinking but this is how I feel now and I simply cannot help it. It's funny how yesterday I was talking about hope and assurance. Now I feel none of it. I feel scared instead.

Scared and lonely and scared of being lonely forever.

Update

I just found this browsing through the forums.

You know what reversal of intended goal is, right Sarge?

Resistance?

If so I would der why I never had it till recently.

Reversal is the subconscious running screaming in terror from the goal. It only happens when the person is facing something that scares them to death in the script. So either you're being told to deal with some sort of trauma that scares the shit out of you, or you're scared shitless of losing control of the situation and maybe actually executing the program. Which would be happening because the program is becoming more and more powerful.

Well, yeah... That explains a bunch.