Day 10
Feeling anger when I think about my friend circle.
I keep thinking about how my friend's are not real friends. (except for two of them who are twins and another guy who I knew from middle school but never chilled with who is my Cousin in Law now. I feel like they're are the same type of empathetic loving person that I am and would actually have my back)
I made a FB status the other day saying
The three qualities I hate in people
1) Liars/Untrustworthy people
2) Judgmental People
3) Ignorant People
It's honestly one of the most truthful things I've ever posted. I absolutely DESPISE those qualities and I hate to see most of the people in my life have at least 1 of 3 of those qualities in them.
It feels like how I felt on AM when I thought about my friends but a little different.
One of my friends who is extremely value leeching and only wants to hang out when he needs you for something, like a ride ect. he said something to me that was extremely pessimistic, negative and rude.
And it had no value or educational value to tell me this. What he said is was completely stupid and extremely ignorant too. But it got me thinking about why I continue being friends with him when I know he's not a real friend.
Last weekend when I was drunk with a best friend of mine since we were 5. I told him I don't think him and Jack (my other best friend from age 5) would have my back if I really needed there help.
I told him I think they value money more then anything and don't have a big of a heart as I do.
His response was not good, he tried making excuses.
BTW what I said wasn't completely random but based on something that happened recently that he basically showed me he doesn't have my back.
And my misogyny regarding women that is coming up I feel like might be beneficial for me. I'm starting to feel like what's the point of chasing these woman, or going after these woman who I don't know and have no idea what type of person she or they are.
For all I know they are just as judgmental, shady, or shitty as the other people in my life.
I actually don't feel like I'm being misogynistic but more so realistic and don't feel or think that I'll meet someone who matches my level of character and personality type.
I want a real love relationship, I don't want anything superficial or based on material possessions.
I want a woman that loves me for who I am, not because of material things or money. (is that even possible lmao I have no idea) but I'm curious as to what you guys think.
On a related note, A tattoo i'm getting next week is a full sleeve tattoo, of a Japanese samurai , with a feminine beautiful geisha on her knees looking up towards the samurai holding her own heart that she ripped out of her chest
It symbolizes my desire for true love. There will be a Japanese dragon spiraling in between them from my chest going down my arm.
I made this tattoo idea over a year ago and still have the same amount of desire and love for the tattoo and idea.
I feel like the "lovey lovey" feeling I have towards that chick at work that I have a little crush on is diminished if not completely removed from me since using 3.1a.
I'm starting to think of these woman in a very neutral way. Again I have no idea if they are bad woman or good woman but I'm not going to fantasize that she's a good gf type when I barely know her yet.
Going to work tonight, going to be a good day I think. Shorter shift and I have tomorrow off.
Been feeling super tired but unable to take a nap, even though I drank chamomile and what not to help me sleep.
Feeling anger when I think about my friend circle.
I keep thinking about how my friend's are not real friends. (except for two of them who are twins and another guy who I knew from middle school but never chilled with who is my Cousin in Law now. I feel like they're are the same type of empathetic loving person that I am and would actually have my back)
I made a FB status the other day saying
The three qualities I hate in people
1) Liars/Untrustworthy people
2) Judgmental People
3) Ignorant People
It's honestly one of the most truthful things I've ever posted. I absolutely DESPISE those qualities and I hate to see most of the people in my life have at least 1 of 3 of those qualities in them.
It feels like how I felt on AM when I thought about my friends but a little different.
One of my friends who is extremely value leeching and only wants to hang out when he needs you for something, like a ride ect. he said something to me that was extremely pessimistic, negative and rude.
And it had no value or educational value to tell me this. What he said is was completely stupid and extremely ignorant too. But it got me thinking about why I continue being friends with him when I know he's not a real friend.
Last weekend when I was drunk with a best friend of mine since we were 5. I told him I don't think him and Jack (my other best friend from age 5) would have my back if I really needed there help.
I told him I think they value money more then anything and don't have a big of a heart as I do.
His response was not good, he tried making excuses.
BTW what I said wasn't completely random but based on something that happened recently that he basically showed me he doesn't have my back.
And my misogyny regarding women that is coming up I feel like might be beneficial for me. I'm starting to feel like what's the point of chasing these woman, or going after these woman who I don't know and have no idea what type of person she or they are.
For all I know they are just as judgmental, shady, or shitty as the other people in my life.
I actually don't feel like I'm being misogynistic but more so realistic and don't feel or think that I'll meet someone who matches my level of character and personality type.
I want a real love relationship, I don't want anything superficial or based on material possessions.
I want a woman that loves me for who I am, not because of material things or money. (is that even possible lmao I have no idea) but I'm curious as to what you guys think.
On a related note, A tattoo i'm getting next week is a full sleeve tattoo, of a Japanese samurai , with a feminine beautiful geisha on her knees looking up towards the samurai holding her own heart that she ripped out of her chest
It symbolizes my desire for true love. There will be a Japanese dragon spiraling in between them from my chest going down my arm.
I made this tattoo idea over a year ago and still have the same amount of desire and love for the tattoo and idea.
I feel like the "lovey lovey" feeling I have towards that chick at work that I have a little crush on is diminished if not completely removed from me since using 3.1a.
I'm starting to think of these woman in a very neutral way. Again I have no idea if they are bad woman or good woman but I'm not going to fantasize that she's a good gf type when I barely know her yet.
Going to work tonight, going to be a good day I think. Shorter shift and I have tomorrow off.
Been feeling super tired but unable to take a nap, even though I drank chamomile and what not to help me sleep.
