03-15-2017, 09:57 AM
So I started my loops at work on headphones. I would have used speakers, but I don't know if my colleague can handle the power of 3.1. I'd like to expose him to it tho.
Anyway, I'm feeling an incredible amount of buzzing in my feet that just started when I wrote the last sentence above. I've been feeling a pleasant euphoria all morning, though. I'm trying to figure out whether I want to go to an AA meeting tonight or whether I want to stay in and play xbox. If i go to the AA meeting, I won't get back til 9:45, and my day will have been over. But I will be able to interact with beauties. If I stay home, I'll get to chill and enjoy the company of my sisters and dad. So far, I don't think I want to delude myself into thinking that I'm going to go to an AA meeting for recovery when in reality I'll be going for the women. Not to mention my sister is only in town until next week, and family trumps women any day. It's an interesting paradigm I've been in since 3.0, and I'll describe it below.
There seems to be fear based programming amongst people in AA which attempts to scare you into never leaving the program. I've become aware of this, and I am now at an interesting point in my life where I've drastically reduced the amount of meetings I go to, without negative impact on me. Some of the reasons I kept going to AA meetings was fear that if I stopped going, I'll revert back to an unhealthy way of life. Don't get me wrong, I still do think I need these meetings, the 12 steps, and the fellowship to maintain permanent sobriety. I just do not need it to the level at which I was falsely believing I did.
I'm thoroughly convinced that so long as I continue to maintain healing/clearing throughout the course of my life via subs, permanent sobriety will be a side effect of simply focusing my attention and focus in targeted ways.
</ramble>
Anyway, I'm feeling an incredible amount of buzzing in my feet that just started when I wrote the last sentence above. I've been feeling a pleasant euphoria all morning, though. I'm trying to figure out whether I want to go to an AA meeting tonight or whether I want to stay in and play xbox. If i go to the AA meeting, I won't get back til 9:45, and my day will have been over. But I will be able to interact with beauties. If I stay home, I'll get to chill and enjoy the company of my sisters and dad. So far, I don't think I want to delude myself into thinking that I'm going to go to an AA meeting for recovery when in reality I'll be going for the women. Not to mention my sister is only in town until next week, and family trumps women any day. It's an interesting paradigm I've been in since 3.0, and I'll describe it below.
There seems to be fear based programming amongst people in AA which attempts to scare you into never leaving the program. I've become aware of this, and I am now at an interesting point in my life where I've drastically reduced the amount of meetings I go to, without negative impact on me. Some of the reasons I kept going to AA meetings was fear that if I stopped going, I'll revert back to an unhealthy way of life. Don't get me wrong, I still do think I need these meetings, the 12 steps, and the fellowship to maintain permanent sobriety. I just do not need it to the level at which I was falsely believing I did.
I'm thoroughly convinced that so long as I continue to maintain healing/clearing throughout the course of my life via subs, permanent sobriety will be a side effect of simply focusing my attention and focus in targeted ways.
</ramble>
