Blink DMSI 3.1 Journal

[Blink]

Days 9-12: March 11th-14th, 2017
Version: 3.1A
Format: Trickling Stream Masked FLAC / Ultrasonic
Player: VLC on PC / Phone

This is mainly going to be a sad entry. I'll mention the good parts first, so if anyone wants to skip the sad parts can do so.

The Good

• I conveniently had a dream that I was a sniper in an army. This was during an afternoon nap too. I haven't been able to remember my night dreams for the past few days. Not even general themes.
  
• Shared longer than usual eye contacts with 2 girls. One was on the bus, the other was accompanied by a male. Both had blank, emotionless expressions on their faces.
  
• Feeling a lot more sensitive than usual. I've put this under the good because I enjoy connecting with people emotionally. I love that part of my personality. Even if the emotions are not happy. eternity's and Duke.Togo's recent few posts hit me more than they usually do Good stuff guys!
  
• Had a random cry during the weekend. Maybe it cleared something?
  
• Led Zeppelin came up during the gym in the morning. Last I heard anything like it in there was years ago. I wonder if this was some form of a manifestation, because I love that band. Not to mention, it was easily one of my top 3 songs, "Kashmir"
  

The Bad

• I feel very insecure, abandoned, and lonely.
  
• Memories of my previous girlfriend are coming in very strongly, as if we have just broken up. It'll be exactly two years next week. I do not know why I can't let myself get over her... I wonder if I can put this feeling to good use, instead of just feeling butt hurt about it.
  
• I kinda know what triggered this state. I rather not talk about it on here, because it's plain silly. But maybe this was supposed to happen anyway, and what triggered it was just that. A trigger. Something to give me a reason for why I should feel the way I am, instead of hiding it, putting it aside, and adding it to the pile of things that need to be dealt with. So here I am, feeling my sadness, instead of trying to do something that will make me forget it. I feel worthless and almost suicidal. I've been here before. I can handle it. It's just a matter of time before it's sunshine and rainbows again
  
• I was feeling pretty normal most of yesterday. This started in the evening and I woke up in a pretty bad shape today.
  

The Ugly
Gaaah! Resistance... Blah. Ok I'm done. Bring it on!