03-09-2017, 03:27 AM
Damn tired and almost back to my previous days of super ADD. I link this clearly to not sleeping enough whilst on this program (6-7 hours a night) and not exercising. I will have to guard my fitness and sleep. I'm walking around with this inner heat which feels amazing - like a bath of loving energy. Unfortunately my brain is on standby and I'm struggling to piece together thoughts and communicate properly which is in stark contrast to how things were on LTU.
I'm getting pissed off with people telling me what to do - reacting obstinately and maliciously when they do, I infer from this (as above so below) my attitude is similar to this powerful sub which I'm taking as telling me what to choose to do - this isn't a good thing, it is what it is and I'll work on releasing this obstinacy if I can.
The other night for example my friend told me I need to fix up some of my habits and I was inconsiderate - I purposely ended up not doing what she wanted me to not do on some things and did other things with a lot of irrational bitterness which I am still trying to release. Responding to authority, or surrendering to instruction for me almost feels like death and a confirmation of 'I am a nobody'.
It's good to at least be aware of this. What to do about it now is the question...
I'm getting pissed off with people telling me what to do - reacting obstinately and maliciously when they do, I infer from this (as above so below) my attitude is similar to this powerful sub which I'm taking as telling me what to choose to do - this isn't a good thing, it is what it is and I'll work on releasing this obstinacy if I can.
The other night for example my friend told me I need to fix up some of my habits and I was inconsiderate - I purposely ended up not doing what she wanted me to not do on some things and did other things with a lot of irrational bitterness which I am still trying to release. Responding to authority, or surrendering to instruction for me almost feels like death and a confirmation of 'I am a nobody'.
It's good to at least be aware of this. What to do about it now is the question...
Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
