03-07-2017, 07:47 PM
Thankfully that weird feeling didn't last long. I woke up feeling fine.
L & I got into a stupid argument last night and it ended with her saying "I don't want to see you again". She called back in 5 minutes to apologize. We've been having arguments like this all week. I'm wondering if 3.1 is manifesting these events?
Anyway today has been intense. I made a video sideshow for my friends memorial service which is coming up on Saturday. That shit was HEAVY. The pain is real. She died last Tuesday and I've cried 3 or 4 times already. Poor girl drank herself to death. It's nice to know the emotional shield only applies to the clearing going on directly due to the sub. Not that I questioned it, but I'm glad I got to feel this emotion.
The celeb effect is interesting. My boss has completely changed how he interacts with me since last week. It has become very light hearted and fun at the office. Random people have opened me three times today. It's noteworthy because typically I'm the one who opens others.
I've also been feeling really entitled for results. My ego is getting big. I think to myself "I'm running the most powerful sub in existence, and all you peasants will respond to my aura". Or other thoughts like "why isn't this girl giving me an IOI. Doesn't she know I'm hot?" Or.... "it's OK to look at me. I know I'm interesting". These thoughts have always been there, but I'm aware of them now. Enough to recognize them for what they are. 5 days ago, I wouldn't have recognized this as significant. Truth be told, I don't know if I want to get rid of this entitlement. It kind of feels good, although it's probably stemming from neediness.
I also has an incredible bout of anxiety at 5 pm which lasted for an hour. I think it was sub related, but I'm not sure.
L & I got into a stupid argument last night and it ended with her saying "I don't want to see you again". She called back in 5 minutes to apologize. We've been having arguments like this all week. I'm wondering if 3.1 is manifesting these events?
Anyway today has been intense. I made a video sideshow for my friends memorial service which is coming up on Saturday. That shit was HEAVY. The pain is real. She died last Tuesday and I've cried 3 or 4 times already. Poor girl drank herself to death. It's nice to know the emotional shield only applies to the clearing going on directly due to the sub. Not that I questioned it, but I'm glad I got to feel this emotion.
The celeb effect is interesting. My boss has completely changed how he interacts with me since last week. It has become very light hearted and fun at the office. Random people have opened me three times today. It's noteworthy because typically I'm the one who opens others.
I've also been feeling really entitled for results. My ego is getting big. I think to myself "I'm running the most powerful sub in existence, and all you peasants will respond to my aura". Or other thoughts like "why isn't this girl giving me an IOI. Doesn't she know I'm hot?" Or.... "it's OK to look at me. I know I'm interesting". These thoughts have always been there, but I'm aware of them now. Enough to recognize them for what they are. 5 days ago, I wouldn't have recognized this as significant. Truth be told, I don't know if I want to get rid of this entitlement. It kind of feels good, although it's probably stemming from neediness.
I also has an incredible bout of anxiety at 5 pm which lasted for an hour. I think it was sub related, but I'm not sure.
