03-07-2017, 09:36 AM
Another thing popped into my head that I'm going to write down here. The need to be the best at whatever I do is something that has plagued me for a long time. I need to kill this mindset. I'm constantly comparing myself to other people that know more than me, are more passionate, talented, successful, etc. All of it just causes anxiety which actually prevents me from improving because I procrastinate all the damn time.
In my entire life not once has my excessive perfectionism lead to a positive outcome. But I deluded myself for years telling myself that even though I wasn't finishing as much as I should at least all the attention to detail was admirable. But it wasn't. I couldn't finish essays on time in high school, couldn't move beyond a heelflip in skateboarding, couldn't bring myself to finish animations, couldn't draw, couldn't finish my music, couldn't learn guitar because I wouldn't move beyond learning one song, and now can't learn coding/web design. Until I get this mindset sorted out I'm destined to fail in everything I set out to do because it destroys any progress. This stupid obsessive need to get everything perfect that causes all this anxiety. It's driven me to days where I do nothing and yet I'm still not relaxed because it all looms over my head. It's like why the hell can't I be content with being mediocre? At least for the time being while I improve my skills or get better. Instead I feel this bottomless pit of shame that makes me feel like an awful person when I'm not good at something.
In my entire life not once has my excessive perfectionism lead to a positive outcome. But I deluded myself for years telling myself that even though I wasn't finishing as much as I should at least all the attention to detail was admirable. But it wasn't. I couldn't finish essays on time in high school, couldn't move beyond a heelflip in skateboarding, couldn't bring myself to finish animations, couldn't draw, couldn't finish my music, couldn't learn guitar because I wouldn't move beyond learning one song, and now can't learn coding/web design. Until I get this mindset sorted out I'm destined to fail in everything I set out to do because it destroys any progress. This stupid obsessive need to get everything perfect that causes all this anxiety. It's driven me to days where I do nothing and yet I'm still not relaxed because it all looms over my head. It's like why the hell can't I be content with being mediocre? At least for the time being while I improve my skills or get better. Instead I feel this bottomless pit of shame that makes me feel like an awful person when I'm not good at something.
