The saga continues: AM 6

[mat422]

Still feel myself internally resisting. I had a couple of days where I consciously attempted to reinforce being alpha and all the behavior I wanted. But it felt like I was straining to do so. I'm at a point now where I realize my growth comes at it's own pace, I can't say or do anything to hurry it along. I've always been a meticulous person, intensely aware of the small details and striving to get everything as perfect as possible. I can't help but feel that this is the same attitude I'm taking towards my own growth. But I was constantly telling myself it was bad and I'm not growing fast enough or dwelling on past issues. I think it's more likely my mind is trying to clean up everything, leave no stone unturned and do a thorough job. So when I slip back into old undesirable behavior it's more opportunity to grow, not a setback. But it's really important not to resist these negative states in favor of holding onto more idealistic representations of where I want to be. In doing so I ignore issues that still need to be worked on.

I'm going to dive into a little bit of MBTI right now because I feel like it's relevant to my own growth. Being that my dominant function is introverted feeling, that's how I process nearly everything. That's my strength when dealing with emotions. I go inward and somehow resolve emotional conflict or troubling stuff in such a way I can't describe in words. My strength isn't thinking or logic and that's ok. I can work on those things, but the bottom line is it's better to focus on my strengths instead of trying to develop some weakness thinking my strength is inherently flawed in some way. To trust myself and how I'm going to move ahead and solve these problems is the most important thing I can do.